18 Days to Go

Today Sam and I spent more time talking about his upcoming catheter and surgery.  He wakes up every morning and ask me, 'Is today my test?' and then follows with questions like:

 'Will Dr Gooi be there?'

  'Can I watch TV there?'

 'Are we going on the plane now?'

 'Can we bring the ant farm?'

'Will we go to the dinosaur museum?'

'Do I get to lie on the white bed,

 with the white pillow, that has paper on it?'

He is very impatient about wanting it all over so he can go to Kindy.

In an effort to show him that we are not just going to a check up, we looked at some photos today of another little boy who is going through what we must in a few short weeks.  His name is Jason and you can follow his journey here.  He is younger than Sam, but as I follow their story and pray with them, it is also helping us prepare for what is to come. So we looked through some of the photos together of this darling little boy going in for his catheter. 

I showed Sam a photo of the inside of the cath lab with the doctors and nurses preparing the equipment.  We looked at a photo of them putting the little boy to sleep with the breathing mask and how the doctors and nurses were all dressed.  In this photo the little boys mum was also dressed in scrubs and stayed with him while he drifted off to sleep.  We saw that the little boy had a sats probe on his finger and a blood pressure cuff on his arm.  We talked about how he will also have a drip in his arm. He asked many questions:

'Is the Mum a doctor, why is she dressed like that?'

'Will it hurt?'

'That little boy is a baby, and I'm a big boy.

Will I have to wear a nappy?'

 

'Will you be there with me?'

And then as quickly as he began he ended with:

'Can I have a chocolate biscuit now?'

I spoke with Jack's teacher today about the next few months and what it may mean for Jack as well. There is only 18 more days until Sam and I leave for Brisbane.  We are making the most of enjoying our home and family and praying that we all remain well (there is a very nasty gastro bug going around town). 

Jack preparing his lizard enclosure.

Sam chilling out indoors while it's 40C outside.

Sometimes I long for a life that is less complicated and less challenging.  And then I look at these faces and realize that without the life we have, none of us would be who we are. I just have to trust that God has it all in hand and let my heart be filled with hope for the future, faith in God and love that knows no bounds.

Waiting Four Years for a Date

It has been four years since Sam had open heart surgery. Sam has a date for his catheter procedure-the 20th February, 2013.  It is taxing being the parents of a heart kid.  We live each day with gusto and get swept up into the normality of life for a while and then are pulled against our will back into the reality of having a child with a broken heart, one that is only half of what it should be. 
Don is getting involved at work, enjoying the job, building new relationships, learning new things.  I am doing mum things, writing, getting my Avon business off the ground and making new friends.  Jack is just beginning Grade 1 next year.  And Sam lives a happy busy little life with me for the moment, before he attends Kindy next year.  There are many minutes in the day when I feel 'normal' and then many when I don't. Like:

• when I have to carry Sam around town because it's hot and a long way to walk and his little heart can't take it.  Only to have someone tell me that I should make him walk and that it's good for little legs to have the exercise.
• when I have to fill out enrolment forms and list his medical history, medications etc.
• when I have to remind myself to let Sam eat anytime to add weight to his slight frame.  And then have people comment on how small he is for his age and ask me what he eats.
• when I have to give him medications at night that are equivalent to rat poison.

I don't want to plan for him to go and have the catheter, but I must. The catheter and surgery will both be at the Mater Hospital in Brisbane.  At this stage I think Sam and I will be travelling down alone for that one.  And then a week or two following he will have the Fontan procedure, open heart surgery, to complete the circulation in his heart.  We are hoping and praying that there is some way that Don and Jack will be able to travel down for that and stay for a few weeks.  At this stage we are pretty sure that the government will only pay for Sam and I to travel, but we will find out more about this later.  There is so much I could worry about such as Don's work, Jack's school, money, rent, bills, my business but I am striving with every ounce of strength that I have to give it all to God and leave it there.
It is like Paul says in the bible, I struggle so much with the flesh part of me wanting to rise up and try and control everything when I know I have no control at all.  God has shown me that the way is clear and that I just need to trust Him, but I must tell you that that is easier said than done. It is a battle to keep your head clear and your heart in the right place. And in between now and then I want to enjoy the trouble free time that we have, celebrating Christmas with family and enjoying a few weeks holiday together over the Christmas break.  Even as I write this my heart quivers within me.  Sam does not remember any of what happened in the first year of his life, but I do.  I remember it with stunning clarity.  But I also remember the strength of my God and all that he has done for us.  And so although I am yet to believe them fully I claim God's promises to us once again.

Sam will live and have life in abundance.  He will testify to the nations of his healing

Things never happen the same way twice dear one.  If you were any braver, you would be a lioness.

May God increase my faith and may He give us His strength on this path He has set before us. His promises are true, no matter how I feel.

The Lion's Promise

I woke up feeling defeated today.  Small things are getting to me,things that don't usually bother me-housework, people's attitudes, the heat.  All of it is simply surface stuff, not the root of the problem, but it all compounds how I feel.  I sometimes feel like when I have no control over one part of my life the rest crumbles as well. For the last few weeks I have felt abandoned by the God of miracles, like my prayers are bouncing off a glass ceiling, but I still keep praying anyway and they echo in the space around me; reverberating my head and heart. And so today I went to church and was hurt by what some said there because of my fragile heart.  Is it their fault?  No, they are not to blame for my state of heart. 

So as I wrestled with God this Sunday he showed me what was hiding in my heart, weakening my defenses and causing the light to dim within me. 

While watching Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian, God spoke to me through these words. Lucy is speaking to Aslan in the movie and as she did it was my words she spoke.

Why wouldn't you show yourself? (Me: Why don't you show others your power and your love for us)

 
Why couldn't you come roaring in
and save us like last time?
(Me: You have saved Sam before why do you now stay your hand and make us endure more suffering?) 
Things never happen
the same way twice, dear one.
 
If I'd have come earlier, would everyone
who died... could I have stopped that?
(Me: What could I have done that would have stopped Sam having to have more surgery?)
 
We can never know
what would have happened, Lucy.
 
But what will happen
is another matter entirely.
 
- You mean you'll help?
- Of course.
 
- As will you.
- Oh, I wish I was braver.
 
If you were any braver,
you'd be a lioness.

I have been angry at God, because I know He has the ability, and the power to swoop in and save the day.  I HAVE SEEN HIM DO IT. 

And yet, today He speaks to me in this messy place I find myself, to tell me that 'things do not happen the same way twice', and in saying so He gives me hope.  The light within me though flickering, is growing in intesity.  For in His words there is a promise for the fight ahead of us.  I can tell you now that I don't feel like a lioness, and I wish I was braver.  But I know who fights for us, and I trust him no matter how furious I may be.  God will take my fury and use it for His glory and my good.  Because if I am angry it means I have not given up the fight.

If you are looking for the calm resolution in this post you will not find it.  My angry fighting heart remains, though God is taking it and re-moulding it for His purposes.

Sam's Heart Review

Sam was crazy excited to be on the plane to Brisbane. I think pictures speak louder than words at times.

It's bitter sweet really our trip to Brisbane.  On the upside we get to see Mum and Dad (Grandad and Granny), see the river and the green grass, glimpse the ocean and have a little break away.  And then of course we have the hospital visit. 

It was a good appointment.  The staff really made us all feel special and Sam was really happy to see Dr Gooi again.  Yesterday before we left Longreach Sam was given a new stuffed giraffe toy that he had been eyeing off for weeks at the Post Office.  When the women serving saw how much he loved it, she gave it to him as a gift.  Sam named his new friend- Dr Gooi.  So Dr Gooi came with us on the plane and met the man he is named after.

Sam's heart function is unchanged.  His oxygen saturations at rest are 86 and 76 when active.  His blood pressure is spot on and and he is growing in height, though not much weight.  His ECG was right for his condition and his echo showed the same heart function as the one before. After discussion it was decided that Sam will be scheduled for his diagnostic heart catheter in the early new year.  At this time they may also put stents in his lung arteries as they are slightly narrowed.  Apparently this happens with many heart kids with his condition and doing the stents pre-surgery is a much better option as it provides the best possible outcome for the Fontan procedure.  A few weeks after Sam's catheter, he will return to Brisbane again for the Fontan procedure to complete the circulation in his heart. 

Is is what I wanted to hear? No.  Is it what is best for Sam? Yes, in his current condition. When Sam has the Fontan completion he will be considered pink, no longer blue.  It means he may have much more energy. It means his appetite will likely improve.  It means that he will grow and start school with a higher level of stamina.

While I am here in Brisbane surrounded by such wonderful people who are encouraging and full of care, I think 'I can do this.  This is what is best for Sam.' But I know that when I go home and I see him playing and swimming and having fun, it will hit me that I don't want him to go through it.  All of the children I saw today at the clinic shouldn't be there, but like us they have to be.  Because we will do all it takes to give our children every opportunity to live a full and active life.

Is God still on His throne? Yes, He is.  But he is also right beside us, holding our hands, strengthening our resolve, increasing our faith. And you can be guaranteed that today only serves to make me pray more fervently not only for the miraculous, but more than that.  I am praying that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.  For it is easy to receive a miracle and walk in healing, but it takes faith like a giant to walk through the fire and not be burned.

Please pray with us:

That Sam will continue to good health in the lead up to all that must occur. 
That the arteries to his lungs will be opened and not require stents.
That we will know God's perfect peace about all that is to come.

Have I given up on God to do the miracluous? NO! But I choose to leave it all in his hands.

Four Years of Victory

We are celebrating today. Sam is seriously so excited  that I don't think I have seen him sit still yet.  As I watch him run and sing and dance and play, I am overwhelmed with a thankful heart.  Thankful for all God has done for Sam and for us as a family.  Jack and Sam are very good mates and I love watching them grow and learn together, through the fun and not so fun. Jack protects Sam and includes him in all of his games, no matter who else is near.  Sam looks up to Jack and strives to be just like him. 

I remember vividly when we were asked to take Sam's life, when everything was out of my control and the world seemed so big. The time when Sam was nestled softly in the safety of my womb. It was then God reminded me that He was bigger and Sam was His, though he was trusted to us.

 

And then this day four years ago I laid my eyes upon our son and a new note of love was played in the world for the first time. Sam David Watson, came into the world, and forever changed mine.

 

 

 

 

And now I look at him and I marvel at his exuberance for life, his belief in the goodness of others and his love that reaches out to all around.  I am in awe of God and his love for us. 

 

 

This past week we received a letter with the enclosed passage taken from "Australian Stories of Life". An expression of God's promise to Sam.

 

"Knock, knock."

 

"Who's there?"

 

"Goliath."

 

"Goliath? Who cares! My God is bigger than you!  You may be massive.  Your strength might overwhelm me if I were alone. BUT you have no dominion over me.  I am God's.  This will be messy.  Blood will be spilt.  But when God and I are finished, I will hold your head high as a symbol of your failure to ruin my life.  I will show you off to others and they will celebrate with me.  You will not prevail! God will not allow it!" 

 

And so as we head into the next year, our faith is renewed and we are reminded of the triumph that is to come.  This year may be one of surgery and hospitals but our eyes and hearts are not fixed there. Life is to be lived with passion, void of fear and doubt. 

 

Happy birthday little Sam.  We love you. xx

Almost Four!

It has been a while since I have reviewed Sam and his funky heart.  Today seems like a good day to do so.

Sam will be four years old in 9 days on he 30th of September.  This means it has been almost five years since Sam was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and five years since God gave us His promise for Sam.

"He will live and have life in abundance.  He will testify to the nations of his healing."

It is an honour to say that we live and walk in that place of promise.  That Sam does indeed live a life of abundance and he had and does continue to share about God's healing and sustaining power.

We were told by some that Sam's life was not worth much and it would be best to 'terminate' him.

Today Sam walks, runs, bounces and swings.  He converses at a level well above his age and laughs with an infectious giggle that melts even the most serious of hearts.  He is strong in will and resolved in his decisions.  When he sets his mind to something he will not be swayed.  He faces his fears head on and although he is scared, courage wins. He is more than just a part of our family, Sam has touched many other lives, many we will not know about this side of Heaven.

 

Sam last review was in May where he was cleared of the increased regurgitation in one of his heart valves.  His next appointment in on November 7th in Brisbane.  This means that we will need to fly to Brisbane to see Dr Gooi (Sam's cardiologist) and he will have the regular check ups (echo, ECG etc).  We have been told that the plan is to have a heart catheter early in the new year and that Fontan surgery will follow this in the few months after. 

 

I won't pretend to tell you that I am not afraid.  I am terrified, but I will not allow those thought to plague me.  Through Jesus I have the ability to take those thoughts captive and beat them back.  I choose to believe God's promise for Sam, no matter what it looks like on the outside, or in Sam's case the inside. 

 

I wonder if I can ask you to do something special for us.  Can you pray and ask God for some words for Sam from the Bible?  Can you send them to us?  I want to create a book of encouragment for Sam as a part of our 5 year celebration of God's promise to us.  Five years is a long time to hang onto such a promise and your encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

 

Before I sign off, Sam would like to say, "I'm going to have my birthday cake at my birthday.  Gonna be a shocolate(Chocolate) one. We moved to our new house in Yongreach (Longreach). I'm gonna be a big boy now."

 

Yes, you are Sam, and there is much to look forward to in the years ahead.





More than History

Warning:  This article discusses the bible and knowing God.  If that freaks you out and you can't handle it, stop reading now.

The bible is more than just a  book of historical fact (it has never been proven false).  It is a book, so woven together that it speaks of our past, our present and our future.  Through it God gives us the truth about:

how we came to be
what we are doing (our purpose), and;
what will happen to us.

Through His truths He sets us free.  For before we know God our minds and hearts are plagued with the three questions above.  Until we discover that knowing God answers all of our questions, there is always a sense of doubt in the unknown.  And I mean why rush right?  "It's not that I'm old and don't have long to go? I don't really need to think about death yet, I'm in the prime of my life.  Lovin' life, livin' it up."

For some reason people tend to believe that when you know God life is boring, that you cease to laugh, get all serious and can't do anything that is remotely enjoyable.  The opposite is true in fact, there are changes that happen in your life, yes but they are all good. 

I am now secure in how I came to be-that I was designed and made lovingly by God.
I now know that I have a purpose and meaning here in he lives of others and I know there are plans for me. 
I know that when I do die, it is not the end for me.  So I can live life fully charged, knowing whatever I face I am not alone, that there is a plan for me and that the end is a good one. 

Did you know there is no other faith in the world that ensures you will live on?  That you will get to see your loved ones again?  I'm just putting it out there.  Did you know God will never give up on you, until the day you die?   He will be forever sending people into your life and opportunities for you to see Him through the haze in life.  He gives us all a choice, and will never force us to love Him.

I don't know why I was meant to share this today.  It's a message that I woke with on my heart.  You can take it and ponder or you can toss it aside.  Remember it's your choice, He made you that way.

Hugs,

Nicole xx

Learning to Run

I love that God and I have this thing called a relationship.  I love that He gave me free will and the ability to choose.  I love that he chooses to love me despite all of my failings.  He is giving me a new idea of what it means to relate to Him in living this thing called life here on earth.

You know the account in the bible when Jonathan and and his armor bearer defeat the army on the steep incline?  You can read it here.  Our move to Longreach has been very much like that battle.  We felt moved to apply for the job in Longreach and we prayed if God wanted Don to have it, He would have it quickly.  It took two days. Then we began to wait to find someone to rent out home here in Victoria and we just didn't feel at peace.  So we asked God, "Do you want us to go now?"  No answer.  Through His word God began to show us that we need to have more faith.  So we decided to throw it all on the line and just go.  If he wanted us to go her would make it happen.  If it didn't we would stay. 

By risking it all, God took our small measure of faith and ran with it.  And we have come to this rather new revelation that God wants us to relate with Him in this way.  Sometimes we need to wait for explicit direction and other times we need to act in faith and then look to Him for confirmation.  Just as God honoured Jonathan's faith, so too will He honour ours.


Doesn't that just blow your mind?  That God in all of His majesty would listen to our ideas, and our desires, because He loves us.  Not only that but just like a proud Dad, He waits for us to stretch our spiritual legs of faith and take those first wobbly steps, encouraging us all the way. "C'mon, you can do it.  Wooohooo!  Look at my little girl go.  Did you see her everyone, did you see how she trusted me to let go and walk?"

"Yeah, watch me walk Daddy.  I can't wait for you to teach me to run!"

His Time Is Always Right

It always amazes me at how everything comes together in the eleventh hour, when it comes to God's timing.  It's like He likes to keep you in suspense and then go " Tada!  See I told you I had it covered."

When we made the decision to go to Longreach without having all of the answers, we believed that it was what God wanted and took the first steps.  Ever since we have seen him at work.  Taking that first step can sometimes be a bit daunting.  No matter how many times you do it.

We have a home to move into in Longreach.  It is a beautiful home and I am excited about living there.  It has many bedrooms, and is quite new.  It is air conditioned and even has a dishwasher. That's something to get excited about right?  That means we have plenty of room for visitors, if you're up to a short drive (hee hee).

(The inside view of our new home in Longreach.)

In the last two days two applications have been submitted to take over our current lease in Victoria.  Four days ago the real estate agent told us that she had many houses on her books at the moment and everything was a bit slow.  We trusted God, and told Him so as well as others. The next day two inspections were organised and two applications made.  He never fails to astound me with His faithfulness.

Today was a day of mixed emotions.  Jack and Sam both had their last days at kinder and school.  And it was also the day of our friend Christine's funeral.  Though we could not be there, it still rested heavy on us today, as we thought about her family.

Don is sick with a head cold and is due to speak at the Men's breakfast at church tomorrow morning.  He would appreciate your prayers.

All going well we hope to leave Victoria on either Thursday or Friday of next week.  And by Sunday we hope to officially be Queenslanders again. 

While we are at the Sunshine Coast (Mon 27th-Fri 31st) Don will be completing the twin engine endorsement and the boys and I hope to take a break and relax a little.

Of course we would love to catch up with our friends along the way, even though the time will be limited. So please give us a call, and if you need our number, email and we will send it to you. (See email link on sidebar).

We are enjoying the last days of the views here.  The wind seems a little less colder now and the sun seems to be shining more frequently.  Soon we look forward to hugging our family and making some more memories.

(Sam helping Mum vacuum.)

A Warrior Never Rests

Our battle with Sam and his heart are more than a book to us.  The life that we have been called to is not chosen by me, and is not easy. Most people read the book "Sam's Heart" and are left with a sense of prevailing hope and faith, and I am glad because that is it's message.  However I also want people to understand that our battle is not over and until the trumpet sounds in victory, we can never rest and let our guard down.

It is true that I can rest in the promises of God yes, but resting in God does not mean throwing your shield and sword aside and laying idle in waiting.  You see we battle daily both in body and spirit against all manner of resistance and struggle.

In his body Sam has always struggled to gain weight.  It has been almost a year now since he has gained any weight.  Because of God's mercy and grace Sam has been  healthy and free from illness for most part of the last 18 months.  And for this we are thankful beyond measure.  He runs small distances but I sometimes notice increased breathlessness when he speaks and eats.  At his last review we were told that the valve in his heart is leaking more than the doctors would like.  Still he runs, climbs ,and strives to keep up with his brother.

Spiritually Sam speaks often of Jesus and the angels.  He tells me of the times when God speaks to him at night. Worship music is Sam's delight.  He has also had many encounters recently with 'dark ones' that come to him.  He has recently had to deal with that interference as well, and God is teaching him to be brave and courageous.  It is no mistake this is happening now so close to his review with the doctors.  Laugh if you wish, call us crazy, but this is the reality of life for our family. 

This battle is not over for us.  We cannot breathe a sigh and then go back to our normal lives.  This is our normal life.  Just like the hundreds of other families walking the same path we move forward each day with hope in our hearts, for we dare not embrace anything else.  There is a difference for us though we have peace in the midst of it, knowing that despite the challenges, the victory is won! 

Sam came running to me this afternoon wearing his little green gumboots, grasping a handful of sunny yellow dandelions, 'Mum, Mum, I love you!'

Picture source: http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=yellow+dandelions+picture&view=detail&id=BC36AA4DF6C29B7A6E437853E9B4E94D60637F31&first=0

God, if today was only made for me to hear those words, I thank you.  I thank you for Sam's life that you have breathed your love upon Him and made him dance this side of Heaven.  And we will shout it out loud for all to hear.  How merciful you are!

Taking The Scenic Route

This weekend has seen us face many new challenges, so I thought it must be about time that I share them here.  As most of you know I blog to share our family life, to rally people to pray, and in the process I work things out with God, hoping to help others as well.

Our call to MAF is not going to take the path we originally thought. Over the last month any things have happened to bring about this change.  The two most pertinent being:

• God has brought to Don' and my attention that it is not possible for Don to complete Bible College this year, as well as finishing the flying training.  For us to continue our course of action and do this is would all need to be completed this year, as otherwise we would have no income after that.

• We received news on Friday that the cost of the remaining of the flying course has now increased by $6000-$10000.  This is when the door was finally closed to us following our present course of action.  God has closed the door. 

It is not the enemy.  We feel at peace.  At first we were disappointed, but as we waited on God and he spoke to our hearts we realised, this is His way.  And His way, is ALWAYS better then ours, no matter how it looks at the time.  We know God can miraculously supply the money needed and already we have had offers of people wanting to help. But we cannot, when we know it is not God's will that we do. 
For the last month, God has been talking to us about open doors, and the scripture Jeremiah 29:11 has been ringing out loud.  So we know now that God has closed this door, that another will shortly open. 

So what does this mean...

• It means that we are still moving toward serving with MAF, but at a much slower rate.  WE have asked MAF to give us an indication on our suitability to serve with them, using the information they have (interviews, medical, psyche etc).  If this is favourable, then we will continue to pursue this calling. 

• The open door we are waiting for is a job for Don.  We trust God that he has something ready somewhere, for him to go to.  It may mean that we need to move again. In fact it is highly probable.

• Bible college will be completed by distance at Don's own pace.

• Don will continue to fly now until he achieves his Commercial Pilot's License (CPL).  At this point he will cease flying at ACMA and just continue with Bible College until the end of Semester or until he finds work.

We have been through much this last weekend with all of this; first shock, then disappointment, then humility, then a sense of feeling lost.  So we just both held on tight and sat in God's lap listening to his heartbeat.  No profound sense of revelation came.  Just His steady heartbeat and then finally His amazing peace.  We know we have made the right decisions.  Now we just wait and act patiently for Him to point us in the right direction.

We have not failed.  In God's eyes, we have done all He has asked, and that makes us His obedient children.  He has blessed us here with great friends and an awesome church.  The people we have met have impacted out lives and we have impacted theirs.  That is what missions is all about anyway.  Even if this was the whole purpose to us being called to MAF, that is enough for me. 

We don't pretend to have this altogether, in fact we are more unsure of our future here than we have ever been.  But I know where my future is secure.  Jesus is building us a home in heaven and it is beyond what my mind can ever comprehend.  I know that when I see it, I will crumble at his feet and cry, because He knows me better than I know myself. We may not have much treasure left this side of heaven, but I know Jesus is storing up mine with Him. He sees our future and He knows what is to come.  And so we will trust Him now, as we always have and rest in the fact that he has plans to prosper and bless.

If you think of us, please pray for us in this time of endings and new beginnings. 

xx Nicole

Jump In And Make Friends

In our 11 years of marriage, Don and I have moved around quite often.  We have always been blessed to have good friends wherever we have been.  There is one thing that we have noticed though and it is a really simple, yet sad occurrence.  When you move around frequently people are sometimes reluctant to be friendly. We have noticed it again since we have moved down here.  It seems that often people have a defence mechanism that tells them that if you are leaving within a year or so, then it is probably not best to cement new friendships-'after all they are leaving anyway'.  It is not something that people come out and say, but rather a silent withdrawal followed by a lack of wanting to get to know you in any depth.  I have had people ask me how long we are intending to be be in Melbourne, and when I tell them, they start to look around and the conversation ends.  They don't bother to get to know us because we are not staying.

Thankfully we have found ways to combat this, and just love people.  We are continually amazed at how God bring friends into our life for a season.  Often we bump into each other in another time and place.  And when we are together we impact each others lives, deepening ties that are not bound by time, and distance.  We choose to sink our roots in deep, so that we can enjoy genuine and loving relationships, no matter how long we may be together.  We have treasured friends that we have not seen in 5 or more years.  It does not mean we love them any less and when we do see each other, we just take up where we left off. 

Hearts remember love.  Hearts remember the laughs, tears and good times shared. 

I look at Jesus and the three short years that he got to spend with his closest friends.  I look at Paul, who never got to stay still for long.  Each of these had a tremendous impact on the lives of their friends.  The effects were life changing. 

How sad it is that we guard our hearts so closely and not share them abundantly with those we meet.  Imagine if our openness and and outpouring of love, was given freely without fear of loss and hurt. 

I want to encourage you to embrace those around you, no matter how long they may be in your midst.  God puts us in places, and with people for a reason and a season.  Let us not pass by the opportunity to make new friends, mates that could be our company for the eternity to come.

If There Was A God...

How many times have you heard that statement?  I have heard it more times than I can count.  Usually it is in relation to something bad happening.  Today I want to talk about this one...

If there was a God why would he allow Congenital Heart Disease?  I will speak about this because it is close to my heart.  I am not defending God.  He is more than able to look after himself in that regard. 

Recently I read this:

A congenital heart defect is an abnormality in any part of the heart that is present at birth. Heart defects originate in the early weeks of pregnancy when the heart is forming - before a woman even knows she's pregnant.(Heartkids Victoria)

compared to this

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed. (Psalm 139:13-16)

So if God knew what was going on in my womb, why did he allow Sam to be born with CHD?  I don't have the full answer but there are two things I know, and these give me absolute peace of heart.

1. We have an enemy on this earth that hates all of human kind with a passion and wants to see us destroyed.  In the fallen earth in which we now live, there is disease,illness,hunger,poverty and death.  But even this will have an end. That is why Jesus died and rose again.

2. God will use even this seemingly bad circumstance in our lives to bring glory to Him, to help us, and to help others.  The time we have here on earth is like a breath of wind in the realm of eternity.  Our bodies were not meant to last forever.  But we have better things to look forward to.

So what I guess I want you to know is that God knows what is going on your life.  He knows because he lives and works outside of time.  He walks with you every step of the way.  He fights for you.  And he has made you a promise that one day, when the curtain rolls back, a new life awaits you.  A life that is free from all manner of disease, illness and death. 

For when we know Jesus, we are made new day by day...until forever comes.  This little boy Sam knows it and so do we.

You Shall Not Pass

Did you know that nothing in this world happens to you without God knowing about it.  One of the big walls that people throw up when you talk with them about God is,

If there is a God, why would he let bad things happen to good people?'

The answer is, 'He loves you.'

God will not permit you to wander aimlessly lost on a path to destruction, instead he will allow things to happen in your life that will bring you to realise that you need Him, that He loves you and He holds the big plan for your life.

You just need to read the book of Job in the Bible to understand how God operates in this area.  If you don't read the bible and a whole book seems too much, read the first two and last two chapters.  It will give you the general idea.

Whether or not you know God there is someone who is after you, to make sure that you don't know God.  Satan knows God, he used to be one of his angels.  He hates all of human kind because God loves us so much.  So in an effort to avenge his fallen state, he is out to stea,l kill and destroy God's creation - you and me.

The good news is that God does not leave us undefended.  Jesus died and lives again so that we may walk in good standing with God.  This means we choose to have a new life, for now and forever. 

Jesus fights for us, He is our defender and is all powerful.  He stands in the gap for us covering our sin and protecting us from the enemy.

The scene below is from the movie 'Lord of the Rings-The Fellowship of the Ring'.  Every time I see this scene, God speaks to me about Jesus, and it makes the little hairs on the back of my neck prickle (in a good way).

Photo source: http://www.framecaplib.com/lotrlib/html/episodes/images/fotr/fotr1215.htm
In the movie:

The entire group is running from the enemy.  Gandalf stops and turns to face the enemy, sacrificing his life for the sake of his friends and the mission. Gandalf stands in the gap spanning the abyss, defending those on the other side who are running from the enemy.  The enemy is huge, towering and menacing ready to destroy them in a single blow.  Gandalf raises his staff and sword and booms "YOU SHALL NOT PASS".  The enemy comes charging and the bridge breaks, plunging the enemy into the abyss below.

Jesus stands in the gap for us.  He turns fearless to face the enemy.  The enemy yearns to destroy us.
Jesus declares in power by the sword of his mouth :YOU SHALL NOT PASS!  And the enemy runs, his tail drawn between his legs.  There are none that can overcome the power of Jesus.

Oh yeah, I know who fights for me.  When I lay my head to rest at night I know who holds us past, present and future. 

Although circumstances are allowed to try us at times we know that God does not allow us to be crushed by them. He walks with us and all things work together for our own good and His glory.

That Pesky Thorn

When you write a book, there is a whole lot more to it, than seeing it published.  You see unless you speak about your book and share your story with others, no one else will ever know about it.  I must say I actually enjoy this part of being a writer.  I know many do not, but I love telling others our story, asking them theirs, and praying for them.  I get to do really cool things like appear in magazines and even on TV, for the sake of spreading the word.  Sometimes when I sit at home in my leggings and t-shirt watching Playschool with my kids, I have a nagging voice that challenges me:

Look at you now, imagine if those people that read your book could see you now.  You are nothing special. 

and do you know what, the enemy is right to a point.

I am nobody, but I am more than he can contend with because I know Jesus.  Jesus uses those who 'don't look like much', to do things for Him because He knows they are not in it for the glory.  I would rather be reminded by the enemy that I am nothing each day, than puff up with pride and fall prey to his schemes.  Maybe God even allows his pestering to keep me humble, kind of like Paul's thorn in the side.

I have learned to use what the enemy would use to tear me down, to challenge me to act instead.  When I don't feel like doing any more promotion, or contacting media, or even writing, THEN I KNOW I MUST DO IT.

And when I do, I know I have overcome his annoying overtones.  What the enemy intends to destroy, God uses for my good and His glory.

So today I have set up an author page on Facebook, so that I can share all about writing, speaking, and the like, while giving my personal Facebook friends a rest.  Come and 'like' it and share it with your friends. Click the link below:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Nicole-Watson-Author/181785301923586

This month our story about Sam also appears in the Signs of the Times magazine.

Our lives must shout about God, and whisper about ouselves.

Bubbling New Beginnings

This week is one of new beginnings for us.

Jack begins school this week for the first time.

Don will be a commercial pilot by the end of the week, once he passes his practical exams.  He begins study at MST (Ministry training) on February 14th.

Sam and I will have time together, as we have never had before.  He will also start Kinder for  a half day next week.

And I...

and I...

and I...

it makes me wonder what I actually did before I had children.  Oh, don't worry I have plenty to do. 

I will have ample time to continue with the writing of my new book.

I look forward to visiting and spending time with more of the families we have met here,

and anything else that God asks me to do.

I am not in a hurry to fill up my spare moments, I am sure God already has plans that I don't know of as yet.  God's diary is often very different to mine-thankfully.

Last year was not an easy one for us.  Though we lived in the place of God's blessing, there was much opposition to what we were doing. There were many times that we questioned God and each other, about our calling to MAF, the work I was doing with Sam's Heart, financial decisions, and the boys schooling.  I have made a choice to leave the past behind us and now I look forward to new things, new blessing, and new things for God. 

Sometimes when you walk with God, He brings you through times of testing, times of trial, times of learning obedience.  Let me explain, this year He asked:

Will you follow me and serve with MAF?

Will you sell your home and use ALL of the money to fund it?

Will you move away from your new friends and family to do it?

Will you trust me to provide for you?

Will you trust me with Sam, knowing that I will work out all of the details?

Will you keep looking to me when the circumstance for success seem doubtful and you even fail?

Will you speak and not be silent about my faithfulness?

Will you trust me to make a way, when there seems to be now way?

Will you trust me in your weakness, to show my power and strength?

We have said yes, to all of this this past year and much more.  And sometimes it looked like we were failing.

We have learned that when it looks like you are failing on the outside, it is time to dig your heels in and press forward. 

DO NOT STOP!

KEEP YOUR EYES ON GOD AND KEEP MOVING ON.

When God pours out his blessing, do not bottle up what you have inside of you, in the fear that you may run empty.  As you receive, give it away to whoever you meet, knowing that God will sustain and fill your cup to overflowing.

Keep trusting, keep believing, keep hoping, loving and having faith.  God will do the rest.

Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” (John 4:13-14)

Can you hear me bubbling?  You can't buy this living water, but it is yours for the taking... if you know Jesus.

I Want To Run!

Do you remember when you were able to run fast, when you could feel your heart pump and your hair fly back?

I must admit is has been about 10 years since I have been able to run for any great length of time.  I am not at what you would call the peak of fitness.

However I am not here to post about fitness.

I want to run because I can.  

The only thing stopping me from running is my own lack of desire.  However lately my desire has been rekindled.

I watch Sam run for but a few steps before his heart tells him it is time to stop.  His breath comes in short sharp gasps as he reaches his threshold for endurance.  I walk to the shops with him and by the time we get from the car to the shops he is breathing heavy, and asks to be carried.  When he jumps on the trampoline, he bounces with great enthusiasm, only to tell me 30 seconds later , 'I'm puffed out'.  I watch him chase and try to keep up with the other kids, until he slows and begins to walk, meandering off to the side to find something else to do. 

But let me tell you something he does not do...

He never gives up.  He never steps trying because it seems to hard.  He strives and he tries and he smiles while he does it.

Watching him ignites a fire in my belly.

I have a healthy heart.  I have strong legs, and good joints.  I give up because my heart beats fast, and I know parts of me wobble that shouldn't.  How dare I not run, when my son cannot!  How dare I be to lazy to enjoy my blessings, when he prays with every fiber of his being he could run.

Well no longer, I tell you. 

I will not waste what I have been given.  I am going to run again, and when I do, I am going to push Sam with me, and we are going to go FAST, REALLY FAST!  And he is going to feel the breeze in his hair and his heart pound with excitement, instead of exhaustion.

We are both going to win, because I will not let his little heart and my reluctance hold us back. 

May God grant me the strength and persistence I need to see it through.

Do you want to join me?  We can encourage each other.

Jumping Hoops

Saul, seethed, anger seemed to exude from every part of his body.  The followers of Jesus seemed to be growing by the day, despite him hunting them down like dogs.  He had been dragging them before the Sanhedrin and there were few stones left unturned in Jerusalem.  Why were they so intent on following some dead prophet! 
He had now gained permission from the Sanhedrin to travel to outlying towns, to further squash the rebellion and bring the followers of Jesus to account. 
Travelling the road to Damascus, the thoughts continued to irritate his soul.  He had thought once Jesus was dead, his followers would just disperse as they always had. Instead they seemed to surge like a growing flood. 

'Well not for much longer if I have my way'.

Little did he know, his world was about to be shaken to it's core.

...so begins the story of one of God's most memorable and recorded followers, the man called Paul.

I often wonder what the early followers of Jesus would think of the church if they were able to talk to us now.  The church has become too much like the world around us.  Instead of being set apart and different to what the world around us would have us be, be have gradually and sadly become a mere shadow of what we are destined to become.

The Kingdom of God, is one of faith and power, both of which have been stripped  from the church with such seduction, that we have relished in the experience.  We are too comfortable in our safe and unchallenged version of the gospel and have put on new robes to fit better into the age in which we now find ourselves. 

Since we have begun our journey to serve God in missions, I have been constantly challenged by the many hoops that we have had to jump through in order to prove ourselves worthy of service.  It has taken vast amounts of money, numerous interviews, applications, pshcye tests, medicals upon medicals, training and testing, all to bring us to a point of asking 'What does Jesus think?'  I doubt that Paul would ever have made it through the psyche evaluation, to serve in missions today.    It saddens me to think that someone who is called by God to serve in this way, might be turned away because they do not have the funds, medical approval or worldly aptitude to be up to the task. God does not look to the outer man, but looks deep down into your heart.  He sees your faithfulness and your obedience and He is uses this for His glory. He is not as interested in what percentage you got on your latest exam and if your left eye is marginally stronger than your right, whether you are a fisherman or a tax collector.   I cannot believe that he is happy with the way the world has overcome the church, and emasculated it of it's freedom in Christ, and power through faith. It is God who transforms and prepares, not man made and man led organisations.

I wonder if the church in Australia and around the world was not so bound by it's love of the world and it's ways, would we see the Kingdom of God come on the earth?  Would we see the captives set free because they see a different way to live, the only way to live? 

I don't know where our journey with missions will end up, but I do know that God has called us to serve; this is unmistakable.  The desire burns in my spirit like hot coals aflame with fire.  Don and I both feel the urgency.  God's desire to see His church do His will, will prevail.  God always keeps His word, He is not a man that He should lie.  The scripture below has been resonating in my heart today, as my frustrations grew.  The words were like honey to my soul.

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful.(1 Corintians:27)

Please pray for us, that God would make the paths straight and that His will for us to serve him in this way will prevail.  We feel the resistance, but step forward each day in faith knowing who fights for us.

This post is not a reflection of any particular missions organisation but a general observation made over many years.  It is not written to offend, but as a reflection.

A Small Voice In the Wilderness

Sharing your story is not as easy as you might think in Australia.  Even when your book has been published and marketed by a well known publisher, reaching the hands of readers is a difficult process.  This is especially so, if your book speaks of God.

Sam's Heart is the story of our medical journey with Sam and his funky heart, but is also our spiritual journey with God along the way.  The moment I revealed God openly in our book, I sabotaged any hope of getting my book into the mainstream bookshops.   Book buyers will very rarely take on your product if you speak of God openly.  I also received many cold shoulders from those in the 'heart' community, my family, and many others who may have read it if God was not mentioned.  You see people want to be told that my strength and theirs, comes from within ourselves, that we have some sort of chamber of untold strength that only emerges in times of crisis.  They want to hear that if they just trust in themselves and rely on those around them that they will make it through.  Unfortunately they fail to see that it is God that gives them strength and if they try to rely on their own strength for too long they will fall, into exhaustion, depression and anxiety.  Relationships will be tested and tried, broken and sometimes repaired.  The same is true with God, we are all human.  The difference is that

God will not let us fall...beyond where he can reach us.

If I was to sing the praises of surgeons and doctors and their amazing skills, not giving credit to the One who gives them the skills and mind to do their job, it may make reading it more acceptable.

It is often in times of great crisis that people look outside of themselves for someone or something bigger than themselves, when they come to the realisation that they are nearing the edge.

Unfortunately the stories and books that could encourage and help others are regulated to being available in Christian bookshops and are not readily available in the shopping centre book shop.  Thankfully Amazon and other bookshops are now selling online.

The sad thing is that our Christian heritage and our trust in God has been bartered for the sake of multiculturalism, in which Christians seem to have no place.  We have removed God from our schools and communities, even Christmas has not been spared, just in case someone is offended by our faith.  Bit by bit God and those who love Him are being gagged until we will be considered a little odd, those kooky Christians that believe in a God they can't see. 

Perhaps the reason that Sam's Heart is not received well by some is that they are afraid to read a little bit of truth.  Perhaps people no longer wish to believe that miracles happen, or that hope prevails.  Perhaps they don't want to hear that God is faithful, even when everyone else gives up on you.

Perhaps it might cause the world to think outside of the box they live in...

Perhaps they might find what they were looking for...


Perhaps they may find miracles do happen after all.

Just imagine that.

Servant Heart, Servant Hands

The word servant is not very well liked in our society.  It implies that you are subservient to someone else.  The title implies you are weak and unable to know your own mind.  That you are bound to another and have no freedom. 

Being a servant of Christ is very different to the world's negative portrayal of the life.

Bound to God
We are grafted into God's own family when you know Jesus.  When we believe in Jesus we are a new creation, we are bound by the Holy Spirit and are one in Christ.  Being a servant of Christ is all about freedom.  Freedom from death, freedom of heart, freedom of mind that is found in the truth.

Called to love each other
We are called as servants of Christ to love one another,with abounding love that can only come from God himself. If we try to love in our own strength, we will soon fall flat.  Only God's love can change lives, encourage and lift others up.  We are called to serve our brothers and sisters in Christ.

but more than that...

We are called to love those who hate us, who harm us, turn their backs on us, talk about us behind our backs, and disregard us for our faith. This kind of love is impossible unless you know God.  Only God can give you this love that flies in the face of all this world teaches, and tears down the barriers that harbour hate and unforgiveness. 

Free To Love God
We are servants to God, and it delights me to shout it from the rooftops.  The relationship between God and his people that was destroyed in the Garden of Eden, is now restored in even greater measure.  We are free to love our God.

I am well aware of how others view my faith in God.  Many believe that God is a crutch that the weak need to get through life, that He is a 'fairytale' that helps me get through the hard times.   I am aware that they scoff at God and my faith in Him.  It matters not.

I am not here to change the hearts and minds of those that pass my way.  I am here to be a servant to the One who has given me life eternal and live in His ways, so that a glimmer of His light may be seen in a world that grows increasingly full of ourselves, our wants and needs.  That Christ may be seen, His desire to love unconditionally, to save, to heal, to embrace, as the only true alternative to a life of uncertainty.  For God is the only constant in the world in which we live.  All else may pass away, but His kingdom will endure forever.

Come daughter, lay your life down and do not take it up again.  Rise  and serve those around you in love.  Live in truth and blessing.  Live one day at a time, looking only to me.  I am searching the hearts of my people looking for servants hearts and hands, that will follow my leading.  When you love the unlovable all of Heaven shouts with joy.  It is in love that our victory is complete. LOVE NEVER FAILS.

 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Cor 13:4-7)

Where will our world. communities, and families end up if we don't show love? 

When Jesus saw the crowds, he had compassion on them...(Mt 9:36)

This post was inspired by reading  the Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers, very powerful and thought provoking fiction.