My Cup Overflows With Blessings

We have been in our new home at Highfields for almost three months now, though at times it feels much longer. It's four months since Sam had his Fontan heart surgery and to look at him now, you would never guess that his heart was so altered.
Don has settled back into his work with the Blackhawk team like a duck in water (pun intended for those who know Don's association with ducks). A few short weeks after arriving in our new home, Boeing advised the Blackhawk team that the Blackhawks would be winding down at Oakey and that the team was advised to be re-allocated or find new employment by Christmas. Well, that tested our resolve somewhat. However, we believed that God brought us back here and so we prayed and waited. As it happens we found out last week that Don will begin training to work on the Kiowa Jet Ranger helicopters and therefore is well equipped to transition to them when Blackhawk winds down. (Insert giant sigh of relief and shout of adulation to God here).

My Avon business was slow to get going in the first campaign but with prayer and persistence I have seen a massive improvement over the last month and I am just so encouraged and thankful to have a job, where I can be with my boys and help out at school. The book 'How Prayer Impacts Lives' was also released this last month, to which I contributed so that was wonderful to see come to fruition.
In between all of this we have all had the flu in the last month, meant the children basically raised themselves for a week or so there.

Jack has settled in better now to his school and I have seen big improvements in his work. The fact that he wants to read now, just does my heart no end of good. He and Sam look forward to reuniting in the afternoons after school and continuing their superhero games.

Sam is recommencing Kindy on Monday for a day a week, for the first time since his surgery. He is very excited. He is also beginning swimming classes on Tuesday. To see that he has enough energy now to try and swim is just so wonderful. Sam has also begun to see a psychologist at the Toowoomba Hospital once a week. I knew he needed help to overcome his fear of needles, blood tests and ECGs but I was still in two minds about psychologists. There is too much stigma surrounding that profession. So tucking the stigma away in my handbag, we attended the sessions and will continue to do so over a long period of time. His doctor is excellent and it is a play based approach, which at this stage he seems to be enjoying. I am sure with age, God's help and medical help, he will learn to master the fear that so consumes him surrounding these procedures.

 

For now, I am so thankful to all be well and nearing the end of the Winter months. The change of season is in the air and the ferocious winds today seem to be driving away the remnants of the chilly Winter air. We have a real sense of peace in this place, unlike we have had for some time.

 

The psalm that follows is often recited at funerals as it seems to bring comfort to those in times of grieving and gives hope. For me, now in this time, God is whispering into my ear to remind me of his presence in our life, the one we are living now. They are more that words of promise for another time, these are words that speak of our life now. These words come to mind and resonate within my soul today. I see the words below reflected in every area of our life and that is what brings me peace.

The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
 He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
   He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honour to his name.
 Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
 You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honour me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Psalm 23

 

 

Measuring Wealth

When we moved to Highfields we know God was bringing us home, for a time of replenishing. He spoke to us about moving back home and restoring what had been lost to us. We have been here a month now and we see his providence in so many ways. Yes, in tangible ways by paying for our relocation, providing Don with a great job, opening up a whole new world for Avon for me, placing Jack in a school with a dynamic and focused teacher, introducing us to a new church family, and seeing Sam settle and regain his confidence following his surgery only a few short months ago. Honestly, I could go on and on, but you get the picture. This scripture has been pivotal to me in the past two weeks. It is in complete retrospect to what the world teaches us.

The result of humility and the fear of the Lord is wealth, honour and life.(Prov. 22:4)

When I wake in the morning, the words resound through my mind and settle gently into my heart like a renewing gift, a gentle reminder each day that our life here is God's gift and it is good.

With what we have endured in recent years in regard to our travels with MAF, moving from home to home, town to town, state to state, Sam's surgery, and Don's work; this promise from God is like a refreshing drink of water to us. It is reviving our parched souls after a long journey.  Everything is beautiful to us right now; being closer to family, the weather, our new home, new friends, because we know we are in the place where God's blessing resides. And so just as our Pittsworth home was called 'God's Rest', this place is 'God's Blessing'.

We have not despised any part of our journey in fact we have relished in the people we have met and the places we have lived. It was not a fickle journey but one of obedience and love. 

We travel to Brisbane on Friday for Sam's heart review with his cardiologist. Please pray with us for a safe trip and an outstanding outcome for Sam. That his heart shall be strong and endure for the longest time.

Rugged up and happy for Jack's first athletics day. He missed last year's due to us moving around.

Jack came 2nd in his sprint, though they only give participation ribbons in the lower years.

Sam joins in hopscotch at Jack's school.

Jack running in his relay where he caught up where his team was lagging.

The new book I contributed to is now released and I received my author copies from the UK.

Sam is just growing up so much and the boys have only grown closer in our travels.

We are rediscovering gardening. Oh, how I have missed my garden.

Day Two Post Fontan-Our Little Warrior

We have been blessed tremendously today and it has been a huge day for all of us, especially Sam. Sam walked to the toilet first thing this morning and has in fact been up and about several times today.  He has also been doing physio and breathing exercises. 
The area around his right lung is draining the most fluid and sometimes causes him so much pain, that it breaks through his pain medication. After consultation with the pain team today his pain relief has been changed from morphine to Fentanyl and we have seen a phenomenal improvement in his pain
management, mental state and his general well being.  His is also on a line of pain relief that is given a top up before he had to do anything too strenuous, just by pressing a button.

He has been awake more than asleep today and is much calmer in himself today even engaging the nurses in conversation at times.  What I wouldn't give right now to see his cheeky smile once again though.

Sam is also on some fluid restriction but he is doing OK with that.  He has not wanted to eat much at all yet.  We are hoping that tomorrow that may improve.

Today at lunch time, he was sedated with Medaz and his pacing wires and sternum drain were removed.  While that was happening I also asked
the nurses to remove any excess tapes and his
ng tube, in an effort to spare him more than he needs to go through.  So now Sam just has his two pleural drains remaining, the right much more troublesome than the left.These two drains will likely remain for some time. His chest x-rays and echo look great and his heart function is still really good. 


We have checked into Ronald McDonald House this afternoon for the next week and we will see what happens after that.  They only had a week available at this stage.

Each day is very hard, on all of us.  But I cannot tell you how humbled and thankful I am that Sam's surgery and recovery to date have been excellent.  A couple of times now when doctors thought there may have been a problem, it just evaporates and his body changes response.  To see him soldier on with his physio today, despite the pain and to actually ask to get out of his bed, made me more than proud. I can't find the word that describes how it made me feel.  I know that he is being enabled by supernatural strength.  Today God reminded me why he is called Sam.

Sam for Samuel, because he will always be mine.

Sam for Samson, because he will have strength and determination that comes from me.

God's promises never fall short.

And do you know what? It sucks that Sam has to endure such things and  that our family has to walk this road, but We will not dwell in pity or negativity.  We are blessed beyond belief.  We know what it is to walk a hard road, so when times are not good or we think life is tough, we look back and realise how amazing each day we are given is.  Each moment is precious, and we give thanks even for the tough ones.

I Do Not Recommend Running From God

It's a new year, a time of new things. Over the last week God has been speaking to me about how he is doing a new thing in our family.  How we are to hold the past lightly and look to the future, for there is good things to come.  I have a renewed hope in God. For the last few weeks I have been running from Him.  You would think I would learn by now.  I buried myself in reading copious amounts of romance novels, cleaning the house and filling every spare minute of solitude with some form of entertainment to keep my mind busy and my heart disengaged.  Have you ever done that?  It is exhausting! Still Jesus pursued me, waiting quietly by my side, beckoning me to spend some time chatting with him; the ever so patient but incredibly relentless God that He is.

So I gave up running, weary from His pursuit and failing in my own strength to overcome that which threatens to take hold of my heart.  There is actually quite a list of contenders for my heart-fear, insecurity and doubt are all making a play for me, but thankfully I have already given my heart over to God.  And He is relentless in love, refusing to budge at all no matter how much I disregard Him.

So in the stillness of the moment, in the dark of the night while the house sleeps I pray.  I start with words because it's easier that way sometimes. 

'You know I love you God, but I am pretty unsure of you right now.  How can you make us do this whole surgery things again?  You need to step up because I am just not getting this whole plan you have laid out before us.  I am trying to trust you, but it is hard and I know that I can' t do it alone.  I've been trying for a few weeks now and I am a exhausted...Sam is......................Jack needs..............................Don is.....................................I am................................' and on and on I went.

Then His presence rested heavy upon my heart and I feel the lump rise in my throat, the tears sting the backs of my eyes and overflow down my cheeks. Then I have no words, just sobbing and soft groans and the words from heaven that were given to me to pray when I have none.

Time passes and the ache subsides to be replaced by a warmth that spreads from the centre of my belly like living water, washing with it's tide any of the remnants of hurt.  I feel God's peace rest upon me again and I wonder why I ran to begin with.  Why would I run from the only arms that know how to comfort my soul? 

You run because you are still human and that is OK.  There is nowhere you will run, that I will not follow.  But now that I have you back in my arms, let me lead you.  Let me show you the hidden path, that was blinded by fear and doubt. I ask you to do much that is no comfortable, much which causes you pain but there is so much you do not see.  Do you know how you make me smile, to see you endure such things for my glory, so that others may see my love reflected in your lives? Do not fear what is to come, I have it all in hand.  With great trial comes greater blessings. I love you.

In forty days Sam will be heading to the Mater Hospital for his catheter.  Plane tickets have been booked for he and I. A nights accommodation has been booked at Ronald McDonald House for the first night, before he is admitted.  It looks like we are going to have to catch a taxi from the airport with our luggage or the air train, which will be an out of pocket expense.  I am leaving behind Jack who is just beginning grade 1and my husband, who will be working.  He has to, we cannot afford to have us both there.  Rent needs to be paid, bills do not stop coming.  He also has no holidays up his sleeve as he only recently commenced this new job.  For the week that Sam is in hospital for his catheter I will sleep by his bed. And then we will hear the results from the catheter that tell us whether Sam is a candidate for the Fontan operation, the last stage of his three stage open heart operations.  Then a date will be set and we will wait close by until that time.  All the while being separated from our family.  Then Sam will be readmitted and Don and Jack will join us, because frankly we can't go through it without being together as a family (hang the fact that we cannot not afford it and my go into significant debt).  Sam will endure the surgery.  Don and Jack will head home when Sam is healing at a miraculously rapid rate, and Sam and I will follow in time ( I am hoping before Easter). And then we will come home and be a family again and enjoy all of the crazy fun things we like to do.  And then I will feel like this operation that has had us on a leash for the last four years is long gone, and it will no longer dominate our future. 

As most of you know, this blog is my head space.  A place where I can commit what is happening in my heart and head, to type and prayer.  The blog is healing for me, a place where I can share with others what is going on with us, without being a melting pot of tears explaining it all verbally. There have been a couple of times recently when I have considered closing the blog down, but I know now is not the time.  So it looks like you may have to put up with my presence in cyberspace a little longer. xx Nicole

Sam Hears The Promise

On the 22nd of December Sam opened a gift from his Great Grandma, it was a card and money.  He was so excited.  Both of the boys chatted excitedly about their gifts.

Then Sam raised his arm up and shouted, 'My heart can come upon me!'

I asked him to repeat what he said and he repeated, "My heart can come upon me.'

His face was radiant and I marveled at the word 'upon' in his speech.

I asked, 'Who told you this?' He replied,'Desus did!  Desus said my heart can come upon me now.'

I cried out to Don and Sam repeated everything he had just told me.  In that moment I felt like I had received an early Christmas present, a renewed promise, fresh hope, a token of lavish love to remind us that God has not forgotten His promise of Sam's restored heart. And more than that, he had revealed it to Sam, not me, or Don, or Jack.  He has shown Sam that he has big plans for his life.

To have God confirm his promise of Sam's new heart in this way is nothing short of astonishing for me.  And I am thankful that it has been revealed to Sam in this way.  I had nothing to do with it.  And so Sam knows what he heard in his heart was real and a special message for him to tell us. More than that we have prayed for both Jack and Sam for years, in particular for Sam's heart and body.  In recent times our prayers had become more general, and lacking in zeal as we approach yet another hospital stay.  And so there was no prompting for his declaration, in fact we were busy packing the car to go away for Christmas.  I will remember this day and we will celebrate and praise God while we wait for his promise to be fulfilled.

OK, So I'm Weird

Brace yourself:  The pictures in this story may freak you out!

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.(Galatians 6:4)

Today as we cleaned the undergrowth from the garden, the boys and I witnessed the most amazing sight. First, I was shocked by what I saw.  I have seen wasps catch spiders for their nests before.  They stun them, keeping them alive and then fly them back to their mud nests, encasing them in the mud.  When their larvae hatches, they eat the live, stunned spiders that are in their home.  I have seen this many times before, but never with a spider this large. 

My initial shock was then transformed to a sense of awe.  We looked on as the wasp that is a third of the size of the spider, dragged it's catch across the grass, as it has too heavy to fly home.  It dragged the spider, walking backwards for at least three meters.

It then moved up and across our bitumen driveway, picking up the pace, as the grass no longer encumbered it.

It then moved up the fence, clenching tightly to it's prize, scaling the six foot fence.  It is in the picture you can really see the size of the spider.

Now as I am observing this, I imagine the wasps excitement. (Yes, I know God made me weird)

Wasp: 'Woohoo! When the kids wake up they are going to be so surprised.  I can't believe I have found them something so amazing.  It is so big I can hardly carry it.  I am so tired from lugging it, but the look on their little wasp faces will be worth it.  I can't wait to see them enjoy it.

Then God began to speak to me about the wasp and how diligent it was in it's work.  It allowed me to get close enough to take photos.  It allowed nothing to distract it from it's work.  It stopped only once, to survey the change in surface between the grass and bitumen. the wasp had been given a gift and now it was not going to let it go. 

This is how we need to be with God's tasks for us.  We need to not look to the right or the left.  We are not to glance back over our shoulder and see who is looking.  We are to be thankful and we need to be diligent, carrying out the work God has given us.

May our only satisfaction come from bringing a smile to God's face and seeing a job well done.

Victoria's Beauty

Let the rivers clap their hands in glee! Let the hills sing out their songs of joy. (Psalm 98:8)

Today's adventure saw us meander through the areas surrounding Warburton - the tangled green underbrush, sky scraping gum trees, and the bubbling Yarra River.

Follow the winding track upward and you find yourself immersed once again in the green slopes of Mt Donna Buang, where the rainforest wraps around you and you breathe in the crisp and vibrant air.

You formed the mountains by your power and armed yourself with mighty strength.(Psalm 65:6)

 Continue to spiral upward and you will find yourself at the summit of Mount Donna Buang.  The open eucalypt forests whisper of the secret beauty of the High Country.  Frames from the 'Man from Snowy River' come flashing back.  In the Winter months these mountains and the vegetation below are blanketed in thick snow.  We have made a promise to return in six months and see this mountain carpeted with it's Winter coat.  And the view...well I will let you decide for yourself.

Today Jesus whispered to me...

Come away with me into the wilderness.  Feel me embrace you with the fresh mountain air and reinvigorate your spirit.  Just as I wandered into the wilderness, it is in these quiet times you will be overwhelmed by God's presence.  See His majesty displayed here atop of these mountains which were lovingly crafted by His hand.  All of heaven is mirrored here upon the earth in His creation.  The beauty still lingers here, and will until I come again.  It delights me to share this with you, there is so much you need to see my love, so much I desire to share with you.  Breath deeply.

Life In Abundance

God has given us a promise for Sam and his life. The first part of that promise is John 10:10

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.   

His words to us were 'Sam will live and have life in abundance.  He will tell the nations about my healing power.'

In the last few days I have been prompted to study these words more closely and God has been speaking to me about what it means to have life in abundance.  The rich vibrancy of the original Greek language brings a whole new understanding of the words, and clarifies God's promise to us. 

I came that they may have life (egw hlqon ina zwhn ecwsin).

Imagine a thread that is woven throughout the fabric of time,  one that has no beginning and no end.  The thread has always been and always will be.  For a time we were/are separated from the thread of life because we have changed colour and have chosen to move in a different direction.  Sadly our thread will end while the thread of life continues on.  Then by grace alone we are invited back to the the thread of life, just when our end is in sight.  We are invited to be grafted back into the thread of life, to continue to weave a picture that is wrought by the hand of the Creator himself.

'ecwsin' is a present and active word, speaking of the life that Jesus gives.  It is not that Jesus came to give life for a season, He came to bring life that is eternal and perpetual, it will never end.  This passage not only brought hope to those whom heard the words with their own ears, but to every other soul who will accept the words and receive them.  How truly marvelous is the truth that is not bound by time.

And may have it abundantly (kai perisson ecwsin).
Water is a life giver.  I love to bask in the water and feel it swirl and refresh my body and soul.  I wonder if you have ever tried to hold water in your hands.  To bring your hands up through the water and watch as it slips through your fingers.  Our hands cannot possible contain all of the water that surrounds us. 

This is the picture God gives me of the word 'persisson', which means to have surplus and overflow.  The word that follows is 'ecwsin' which  reminds us again that the overflow is continual and will never end.

Life that God pours out into us cannot be contained in our hands but is held in our spirits and overflows to impact and touch the people around us.  God has told us that he has hidden eternity in the Human heart.
...He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end (Ecc 3:11).  This eternity is found in knowing Jesus and the more we know Him, the more abundant that life is. 

I watch my son Sam, and I see God's word fulfilled in his life and ours as well. It is my hearts desire that we would continue to live in the promise that God has given us. 

God spoke to me of this abundance of life when Sam was in ICU with his chest still open, I could clearly see his heart beat.  He reminded me that he chose to use the Doctors hands to work on his heart, but it was his spark of life that sustained Sam's heart and makes it beat.  It is his breath of life that ensures that Sam's days will go on, and it is His son Jesus that guarantees that our lives are eternal and full of abundance.

God continues to speak to me almost daily of his abundance.  To be overflowing with life we must spend time dwelling with the Life Giver.  There is no place that I would rather be. 

Reference: http://www.biblestudytools.com/commentaries/robertsons-word-pictures/john/john-10-10.html

The Land of Promise

It's time to live in the Promised Land.

Catching Your Heart

Today I had a conversation with Sam that I need to share.  Something that brought a grin to my lips and new curiosity to my spirit.  I was sitting at the computer, we had all just finished having lunch.

I sad Mum, I wanted to show Jesus my heart.  I lost my heart.

What do you mean darlin?  Jesus is looking after your heart.


No, I lost it, I really wanted to show Him.  Now it's gone.

Where has it gone?


It was up on my head, but I couldn't reach it.  I couldn't catch it and now it is gone.  I wanted to catch it and put it in my tummy, to show Jesus.

Absolute silence from me.


Suddenly he sees it, the heart, again.

I just watch him, as he jumps around trying to catch the heart.

He catches it on the floor, and then lifts up his shirt and puts the heart in his chest.

There, I got it.

He walks  away smiling to play with his brother.

Ok, so I am the first to admit that Sam has a very active imagination.  But I also know this is way outside of the realm of 'normal for him'. Did he receive some sort of visual promise from God, I can  believe that, because he speaks to me this way also. 

What a strange and beautiful walk that God has called us to, that my son can dance around the house catching his own heart.  That God talks to my children in ways that I am still to understand.  I am so honoured to be a mother, so honoured to be able to love these little boys

Love The Giver, More Than The Gift

 As the Christmas season of gift giving approaches, God is speaking to me about His gifts to us.  Not only has He given His son for us, He has gifted us with faith, hope, love and eternal life with Him in His Kingdom.  As if that isn't lavish enough He also gives us gifts daily, blessings that fall upon our path, people that we meet, answers to prayer, encouragement and favour.  Another gift that God pours out abundantly upon us are His miracles, and that is what I want to talk with you about today.

miracle n. An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God.

Miracles are an everyday part of life for our family.  There is no such things as big miracles and small miracles in God's Kingdom, if God does something in your life by His hand, then you have received a miracle.  We like to rate gifts according to size don't we?  We all seem to want the biggest gift under the Christmas tree.  Thankfully we have learned that size is not relative to blessing in God's Kingdom.  We repeatedly see God make a way when there seems to be no way, and I am so thankful for his gifts to us, because I know we cannot live this life without Him.

Sadly, I confess, there was  time when I loved the gift more than I did the giver.  I would look for God's miracles everywhere.  Searching everywhere for Him to perform miracles and wonders, signs that would set the world back on their heels, especially when it came to our son Sam.  There was a time when every time I spoke to God, the words that were always on the tip of my tongue were about Sam's healing.  I could not hide it, every time I went to Him in prayer, my heart betrayed my true thoughts and intentions.  I wanted to love God more than what He could give me, but I struggled with my own selfish desire to see my son live a 'normal' healthy life.

At one point God spoke and said: 

When you go to the marriage bed with your husband, do not go with other things in your heart and your head.  You must go there only to focus on showing your love for him.  So it must be with us.  Come and dwell with me because you love me and all of these other things shall be added to you.

I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I so I repented, focused on God and laid aside my own wants and needs in order just to love Him more. I read psalms and sang songs that spoke only to Him, not of my own desires.  I asked Him to help me love Him more than His gifts.  The scripture that God gave me still rings daily in my heart and on my lips:

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.(Matthew 6:33)

And so now when we spend time enjoying each others company, I go with eyes and a heart only for my God.  I come to Him as one intoxicated by His presence, and I know I can trust Him with my desires. I implore you today to not make the same mistake as I did.  Do not put you own desires at any point above your love for God.  For He is above all things.  Love His miracles, yes, but always, always, always love Him more.

Forgive Yourself

Most of us have learned the lesson of forgiving others.  There are times we have been hurt, offended, let down and condemned and we have had to be able to forgive those who have wronged us, and give them back to God.  It is clear in the bible that if we do not forgive others, then neither will be be forgiven by God.

What I want to speak about today is much more sinister.  It stops us from spending time with God, and it is the devils number one tool against mothers.  It is called guilt.

You know of what I speak. I hear the nagging whispers condemning me, they tell me,

'You don't spend enough time with your husband, you don't spend enough time with God, you need to do more for your children, you are not as appealing since you have had children, you don't exercise enough, you don't spend your time wisely, you don't write as well as your peers, you don't pray enough, you can't rest your home isn't clean.'

I want to remind you today that if the whispers you hear are putting you down and condemning you, they are not the whispers of your Saviour.  God will not condemn you.  God will speak and ask you to change parts of your life.  He may say,

'Your husband desires you so much and he needs you, I would love to talk with you I am here anytime, look at the smile on your son's face as you play with him, your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, exercise will help you clear your mind and strengthen your body, invest you time in Me and I will use it for my glory, your writing glorifies me and I am pleased with you, I long to hear your voice in prayer, work a little but then rest and listen to me'.

Firstly we must stop listening to the lies of the enemy.  Secondly we need to forgive ourselves before we can go to God and ask for forgiveness.  We need to let go of the guilt we carry around in our spirits.  It is a roadblock that stops us form being intimate with God.  It also allows the enemy to have a foothold in our hearts.  We must forgive ourselves, ask for God's forgiveness and then live life guilt free, in truth and love.  For we must remember:

Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.(1 John 3:20)

As God told me today, I encourage you:

You will never be any more beautiful to me than you are at this moment.  This moment when you come before me guilt free, washed clean by the blood of my Son.  Do not conform your mind to the lies of this world, listen for my voice as it beckons and calls with great love and affirmation.  I am a  God of love words.  Even when I correct I do it in love.  Be at peace and come sit by me, I have much to share with you.  There must be nothing between us, guilt cannot stand in the presence of my perfect love.

Time To Take A Dip

I have tasted life without God.  It is like sitting in a  rock paddling pool and enjoying the cool of the water, but there is no room to be free and swim. It is not deep enough to put your head under the water and feel the freshness on your face.  But it is all you know, and you are comfortable in your little pool, all the while wondering if there is anything better.  You hear rumours of others saying that they have splashed in rivers and some crazy religious nuts even telling you that they have plunged and basked in oceans.  But life is too busy, to get carried away with rumours and fairy tales.  And then one day you become frustrated with your pool, the thoughts of what others have said might be true, inspire you to look over the rock wall that has blocked your view... and your breath is taken away, as you behold the endless sea before your eyes.  For so long, it had been blocked from your view by the wall separating you.  And now you know the truth, and you can't go back to the pool.  You know the ocean is real and is within your reach.  And although it is daunting, you edge your way out to the sandy breakers and wade out into the depths.  As you dive beneath the emerald green waters, you wonder why you spent so many years in the paddling pool when you could have been basking in the open sea.  You have been transformed and you know your life will never be the same again. As you emerge from under the surface and draw breath, it is like you have never truly breathed before.  You have become a new creation, you have a new home and a new outlook on life.

Want to come and swim in the depths of the ocean with me?

I know a God...

who paints the sky with the sweep of his hand and the breath of his mouth, to delight me and take my breath away.

I know a God...

who has felt every emotion that I have ever had to endure and comforts me in the very depths of my spirit.

I know a God...

who never leaves me, and laughs and cries with me in every season. He truly has the most profound sense of humour.

I know a God...

who fights for me every inch of the way. He goes before me each day and clears the path by the Word of his mouth.

I know a God..

who sees me when I raise my voice at my children and when I fail to help others in need. And he still loves me anyway.

I know a God..

who disciplines me when I am out of line, and does it with such authority and love, that I am left undone by his grace.

I know a God..

who takes my lack of anything and turns into into a feast for the glory of His Kingdom.

I know a God...

who strokes my face while I sleep and speaks to me in my dreams. He shares his heart with me like the closest of lovers.

I know a God..

who is not afraid of my emotions and hears both my praise and prayer with a compassionate heart. His grace and mercy never end.

I know a God...

who is transforming me day by day to live and dance in a Kingdom of light. A Kingdom where there is no sickness, disease or death and where He will reign forever. 

Sam's Heart Review - We need your prayers

We approach the hospital, we see the familiar corridors, the smell comes flooding in and I suddenly detest McDonalds...


What are we doing here Lord?  Why have you brought us back to this place?

We attend the clinic for Sam's Heart check...inwardly we cringe but keep bright and cheery, keeping Sam excited to meet his new doctor.

 I feel sick but I smile, because I have just seen the faces of so many parents who are broken and weary, wafting in and out of the Heart ward with the 'hospital look' that says, 'I am existing, but I am a shell.'

As we sit and wait in the waiting room, a teenage girl sits across from us, cannula still in her arm, she has tears sliding down her face and hangs her head low, she is broken.  Can anyone see her?

Where are you Lord?  She needs you?  

We go and Sam has his ECG and Echo. He is so brave and climbs up onto the bed by himself, he even helps remove the stickers.  I encourage him to lay still so they can take a good reading.

I'm holding on to you Lord.

We wait for another half an hour to see his new doctor.  We greet and Sam is happy to meet 'Dr Foormer' (Dr Andreas Pflaumer).  He tells us that Sam is doing fine, that all is well. Then, that the leak in his tricuspid valve has increased and that if it has not changed over the next 6 months then intervention may be needed.  That they want to start talking about the Catheter and the Fontan, because we are talking about going North in the next few years. Through the doctors eyes this makes sense, I can see his reasoning.  But I am not a doctor, and I am not reasonable about anything that means that my son must endure more pain.

What!  Where are you Jesus?  Is this your idea of a miracle?  Do I have to see him endure more pain?  Do We have to endure more pain?  I know you can take all of this way by just a word from your lips.  So where are your words?  Surely this is not your plan for us. 

We walk back to the car in silence, buying coffee from nasty McDonalds to get home.

As we drive home, the ache in my throat intensifies...

I can't do this anymore, I am weary from the fight God, not just weary, I have had enough.  I don't want to hold onto the hem of your garment anymore, it hurts too much.  You know I don't have the strength to endure this again. My spirit is crushed by the thoughts engulfing me, and cannot be made right by human hands.

I see a picture of a hand coming out of the heavens dangling a white hankie, the miracle we need, and me jumping like crazy to reach it, but it is just out of reach. I think I jumped most of the way home in the car.  The ache moved from my throat to my heart, as I look at Sam asleep in his car seat, worn out from the big morning. 


I am sorry Lord, I can't do this anymore.  I am meant to go on TV tomorrow and talk about the God of miracles, and I am not feeling that right now.  I am feeling angry, and like I am about to suffocate.

When we arrive home I slept for two hours.  I had nothing left.

When I awake and as I write He speaks:

Remain in me, you have tasted of my goodness and you know I will no let you go.  Remember the new promise that I have given you.  Claim it today and watch the new day come.  You may broken now, but it will not last for ever:

Restore our fortunes. Lord

as the streams flow in the desert.

Those who plant in tears

will harvest with shouts of joy.

They weep as they go to plant their seed,

But they sing as they return with the harvest.

(Psalm 126:4-6)

So this is where we are, right now at 4pm in the afternoon.  Pray that God can heal my ache, so that I may go and tell the world how great He is.  For He is above all things, even when I don't FEEL like it.

As I write this I have a voice whispering to me that 'the result was favourable, that I have no right to complain, and that there are many others out there that are far worse off than what we are'.  I would like to say that each of us is on our own journey, and despite the fact that we are all in different places, does not diminish the fact that the battle is any less real, or hurtful or significant.  God bless you for praying for us when we really need it.

Something Amazing to Share

Last weekend I had a dream.  One that I have not shared on the blog, as I was waiting on God to reveal the truth behind it.  I would like to share it with you now, if you will spend a moment with me.

I was walking down to the beach, holding hands with Jesus.  It was on dusk, and the sky was a myriad of colour.  The breeze was warm and the sea was calm.  We sat near the waters edge, next to one another, our legs curled up onto our chests, looking out to the vast ocean.  Occasionally I would glance over at Him and admire his features, and how his hair blew in the breeze, and then I would look away quickly.  He would do the same, as we delighted in each others company.  It was like we were on a first date, and enjoying just being together.  It was such a  special time.  When our gaze met finally, he smiled (oh that smile can light up a thousand worlds), and motioned with his eyes and hand, to look down at our feet on the sand.  The waves had been lapping at the sand exposing large pebbles by our feet. The pebbles were brilliant and golden, still partially embedded in the sand.  As I picked up a pebble, it's highly polished surface reflected the face of a woman getting out of her car.  The picture was not still but moved like in a film.  I was watching someones life.  I looked back at him amazed,  he threw back his head, and laughed and asked me to pick up another.  As I looked down, and then along the beach I noticed that these were hundreds of these stones that had been exposed all along the sand.  As I looked at the ones at my feet, I saw more faces, a women in her kitchen in a robe, and a man asleep on his bed.  I looked to Jesus and  he answered my questions without opening his mouth, 'You must go and talk to all of these people.' He knew my mind and we seemed to be able to communicate without speech.  I felt such peace at his command, but was very curious as to how this would eventuate. When I awoke, I thought to myself 'How could I possibly reach that many people?' God spoke and told me to 'Wait and see.' 

I share this with you not to exalt myself, but to exalt God that can do anything. We serve such a creative and limitless God.

Well this time I did not have to wait for long, for God's plan to unfold.

God has opened an exciting door in the last few days.  I was contacted by Wesley Mission to appear on their television program called 'Wesley Impact!', to share by interview our story with Sam and God.  The program is prerecorded and will go to air on Mother's Day in 2012.  How amazing is God!  This is how I will speak to many people.

Next Saturday I will fly to Sydney to the Foxtel Studios to record the interview.  Wesley Mission is even paying for my flights.  I will get to share our God story and encourage others, and I give all glory to God for the honour.

I ask for your prayers, that God would give me the words to speak. Just as he promised the apostles that they need not worry about what they will say, but that  Holy Spirit will give them the words.  Please pray that the recording will go well and that the travel to and from Sydney will be blessed.  And most of all pray that hearts will be touched, and lives transformed by God's workings in our own lives.

When I think of his delight in surprising me, and the curiousness of his request, I sit in wonder.  When I think of all of the faces I saw,  and how he loves each one of them, it overwhelms me.  When I think that he has chosen me for such a task is unends me.  I am nothing, He is everything and that is enough for me.
Hallelujah!!

PS.  Sam's heart review at the Children's Hospital is the day before I leave to record this interview.  God's timing is perfect for all things.  

Riches Untold

I am abundantly overflowing with treasures.  This weekend I had the delight of spending time with God's girls at a retreat, a place where we just gather to be with God.  It is a rare treat for me.  I let alone have times alone in the shower, never mind a whole day.  It was a day that I just got to 'be' with my Jesus.  In the time we stole away together I have returned with a bounty of heavenly treasures, that I did no know existed until I received them.  I spent time enjoying the presence of my Lord, and my heart soared when he expressed His love for me.  It was a time of great intimacy with God, and also a time of great encouragement and uplifting for the women of God.

The last few months have been very busy for me, I have not lingered in the arms of Jesus, in the way that I desire. God knows.  He knows that I was longing for more time with Him, and this weekend He swept me off of my feet.

I would encourage you to find time, to seek Him out.   To let Him confirm and fill your heart to overflowing with his unending and abundant treasures.

One of the royal treasures He gave me, was to remind me of who I am in His Kingdom.  I say this here not to boast about myself, but to boast about what He had done for me.  Seek Jesus and ask him to reveal who you are to Him.  (I must point out that many of us shared our Kingdom identities over the weekend and not one of them was the same.)  We have a remarkably creative and wonderful God.

My name is Nicole Watson. I am a beautiful and vibrant light in the darkness, welcoming in the spirit, drawing others to God.  I am a solid fortress, a rock, with strong foundations, established in the Word of God.  I am calm in spirit and abounding in faith, teaching and ministering to others, bringing honour to His name. I am His precious one.

As we all shared our true selves, it was as if we were finally seeing each other for who we truly are, it was breathtaking, inspiring, and we gave all glory to God. 

Would you dare to seek Him, and share with me your royal indentity?  I would be pleased to meet you.

When Your Children Suffer He Knows

Do you see how our children suffer Lord?

Do you see the pain in his eyes, and the fear that grips him, when he sees yet another syringe?

Do you see the look of absolute helplessness in his eyes, as I plead with him to sit still just for a moment and the pain will be gone soon?

Do you hear his laboured breathing, his eyes pleading with me to help him, just get one more breath?


Do you see my heart ache when I cannot help him?

Do you see him longing to run with the other kids, and not grow weary?

Can you feel the painful lump in my throat, and the tears stinging the back of my eyes, as I try to be strong for his sake?

Do you hear me, when I want to scream, but I don't because I am in the middle of a crowded place, so every fiber of my being shakes with distress and anger?

Yes, I see how MY children suffer.

Do you see the courage in your son's eyes, even when he has to endure another procedure?

Do you see the trust in him, when he resigns to let the doctors touch him, even when every part of him wants to get up and run?

Do you see me standing and holding his other hand, while his breathing labours and your heart breaks?

Do you see him content in himself even with his physical limitations, and how he draws the attention of the others in a room with his endearing and steadfast spirit?

Do you feel my heart break along with yours?  Do you feel my arms around you, strengthening you in every situation?

Do you hear me when I whisper quiet words to your heart in the midst of your anger, and how my unconditional love melts away every argument you bring?

Yes Lord, I know all of these things.

Take the fear of the future from me Lord, I cannot handle the thought of any more pain.  You have promised his healing, and so to you I turn my eyes and, in You I choose to place my hope. 

If someone you love is suffering, Jesus knows and you are not alone.

PS.  Sam and the rest of our family are well. I just wanted to share this discussion that I had with God today, to encourage anyone else who may face an ongoing battle.   Even on days when the physical pain is not so present, my heart aches at times, looking at the path we are walking.  Thankfully, Jesus knows, he suffered in my place, and is more than equipped to handle my feelings.  He waits to hear yours as well.

Who Do You Work For?

As some of you know Sam's Heart was shortlisted for the CALEB Writers Awards through Omega Writers.  It was such an exciting time and a surprise that I was grateful for.  Two days ago I found out that although the my book made the short list, it did not make the finals.  As my eyes scanned the emailed list, I hardly dared to hope it would be there.  Many of my other newly found writing friends appeared on the list and I quietly celebrated for them, as disappointment came knocking at my heart. 

Disappointment is a strange feeling.  I was actually quite surprised to find it entering my heart.  God was very quick to speak to me regarding my feelings.


Don't be disappointed. Your writing is not judged by these people, but by me.  I asked you to write the book, and it is doing that which I set out to complete. I always complete what I begin.  Your true value is not found here in the opinions of others, it is found in your love for me and your obedience to me.  You cannot yet see the fruit of your obedience, but one day you will see the hearts touched and lives changed by your work.  Be prepared  to be blessed, because your treasure is laid up in heaven.  Each word of truth that you write brings glory to my name.  Write, smile and praise me,  I love you more than anyone else ever will.

The next morning I received a lovely email from a friend, confirming everything that God had spoken the night before.  He really works in the most kind-hearted and intimate ways.

My disappointment stems from school days, when I loved to be the best at everything, loved to achieve and win all the awards, and I did many times.  However my reason for living has changed much since then, and God is still continuing his work to change my heart.  Little by little exposing the sin that hides there, as much as I can endure each time. Because as he spoke above:

What God begins he completes.  When God makes a promise to transform your life, he will see it through to finality.

And I for one, am so thankful for his patience and love.

And so now, I look forward to going to the awards dinner in November, and encouraging and supporting my writing friends, who's hard work is also touching many hearts.  Bring on the good times!

Praying With Others

We live a blessed life.  We know that our path is not an easy one, but we know many who walk a far steeper incline.  We have come to know many families who have problems much greater than our own.  Problems that would threaten to consume them, except for the hope I see in their eyes.  Early in our journey with Sam, God spoke to me about walking with others in their hardships, and holding their hand, not carrying the load they bear.  You see we are each given a cross to carry.  If you know Jesus, the cross you bear will never overcome you because he promises that 'his burden is light', and 'he will never give you more than you can bear'.
Many times I have caught myself sliding toward a deadly drop, because I am holding onto the burdens of another.  All of us have been touched by brokenness and loss in some form or another, during these times we must carry our friends to Jesus, and hand their burdens to him.

It is for this reason that I made a choice some time ago to no longer pray for people...

instead I promise that I will pray with them.

For hope to grow into faith, words must be spoken to God.  Words of honesty  from the heart of the hurting, to the heart of God.  One cannot live on the faith of a friend, we must have our own encounter with God, if our faith is to grow and flourish. 

At the home where we now live, the front lawn is awash with a flood of tiny white daisies.  I watch them, how they begin the day closed, and then as the full sun bathes them, they lift and open their happy faces toward the light. 

When we lift our faces to God and pray, his light will overcome us, and even from a place of darkness, we will know his comfort, and presence.  

I long to see the faces of others shine like these daisies, raising their heads and dancing in the light.  

And so I will pray with you, and wait for God to do the rest.

Measuring Success

By which measure do you gauge the success of your day?

I know I often feel successful if I get much done in a day.  In my mind I think:

If I could just get the washing done, I would be happy
If I could just get the floors clean, I would be happy.
If I could just get some 'me' time, I would be happy.
If I could just sit down and write, I would be happy.

Happy meaning in this instance, that me completing these tasks, would make for a  a productive and successful day.

After weeks like this last one, God has once again realigned my compass, in regard to being successful.  If I had been using my compass this week, I would have fast ended up in a little town called Despair.  Both of the boys have been very unwell, almost to the point of requiring hospital.  I have had the flu, and Don has been away flying for the week.

Thankfully I chose to close my eyes to my compass, and instead went to God's word for direction.  His promises are steadfast and true, and lead to much more desirable destinations, such as Hope City, and Kickingsatansbuttville. 

You see, God knew this week was coming, and he allowed it. He saw that I was getting worn out trying to tread water, using my own compass as a guide.  He knew I needed a slap reminder, to refocus my loving gaze upon Him.  And he did not leave me in this time.  He prepared the week by sending my parents from QLD, organised a month ago, to help me, and love me in this time.  He knows what we need and he provides.  He did not allow the illnesses to linger.  I only had the flu two days!  Yes, two days! And both of the boys drank and ate despite their wretched gastro virus, that lasted almost a week.  Being continually hydrated is what kept them out of hospital.

We have had many unexpected gestures of kindness this week, phone calls, messages, a plethroa of prayers all being sent our way.  We have experienced God this week, in a warm and familiar way, the way that let's us know that He holds us firm, even in tough times. 

The end of this week took us to Melbourne City, a place we have not set foot in, since Sam had his surgeries.  This Friday Sam will turn 3, another year of victory, another year of living the promises of God. We visited the Victoria Markets and I shared with people at Koorong in the City, our story of God's goodness. 

 Jack (2), just before Sam was born, September 2008 at the Queen Victoria Markets.

Jack (5), Sam (almost 3) and Grandad, at the Queen Victoria Markets almost three years later, to the day.

Each year since Sam's birth he has had dramatic circumstances surrounding his birthday.  God has a plan for his life, and the enemy does not like it.  A week after his birth day he crashed in ICU post surgery.  A week after his first birthday he suffered a stroke, from which he was almost immediately restored.  On his second birthday he had an accident that required a helicopter ride to the hospital.  Each year we celebrate Sam's life in victory, the attack comes.  So I would like to ask you for your prayers, prayers of protection and courage, both for Sam and for us. We will not keep quiet about God's goodness to us.  When I look at photos like that above, and see the distance traveled, all it does is increase my faith.  It increases my faith in the unwavering love of God, that overcomes all adversity. 

So, going back to measuring success, God's words ring true in my heart;

'Success is not measured by earthly measures, but by My standards which are far more accurate, with the results being eternal.  On your darkest day, you are successful, because as you become less, I become more.  When illness and turmoil surround you, I see your heart and it shines like the noonday sun.   Your few words in anguish, are worth more to me than hundreds of voices in jubilant song.' 

Success is life lived in the palm of God's hand.