Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Ahhhhhhh! 18 days becomes 46.

This afternoon we received the call from the Mater Hospital to tell us that Sam's catheter and surgery have been postponed for a month, until the 20th March.  How do I feel about that?  In all honesty a little bit frustrated, sick, weary and guilty. 

Frustrated because it means I have told the kids way too early. Because we have to re-organise everything-flights accommodation, family and people helping us out.

Sick and weary because we have to wait yet another month for some finality, for this long and drawn out time to come to an end. Of having the anxiety plague me and because I feel like I've forgotten how to have fun and just relax.

Guilty for being so selfish, to just want it all over and done with.  How horrible is it that I want Sam to endure the pain of surgery and upset, just so that we can go on with some sort or 'normal' life?  (Inser hysterical laugh here)he just wants to go to Kindy and  have fun.  Guilty because I see others around us going through much worse and I feel like I have no reason to complain.

If I was to let how I feel consume me, I would be just that-consumed. So instead I repeat:

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (Mat 6:33)

I have to believe it.  I have to believe Him or else I won't make it.  It's simple really it's God's promises to us, that stop me from drinking red wine until I am oblivious. It's God's promises that keep me from eating the IGA out of dark chocolate and it is God's promises that cause me to smile when I should be crying and curled up in a corner. That is all for now.


Jo Wanmer said...

Oh my goodness. May he increase your capacity for the impossible again. His timing is always perfect. I wonder why this time is better? Thinking of you. Sam is an amazing little guy. I suspect he will cope better with the wait than his parents. Blessings on you all. X said...

Hi Nicole! Hang in there, God has a plan. :) Our pastor says: When you are down to nothing--God is up to something.

Praying for lil Sam (even though he told me quite plainly that he's "a big boy now!" and will pray for your family as well as you wait.
God Bless, Lucy

Anonymous said...

Hi Nicole Kel Kinnear here. Have been thinking about you all lately. Have had friends head off to World View in Launceston for WEC adventures,reminded me of our friends already on the missions field. Not usually a blog follower, sometimes wish I were, so I have sat for a while reading through your recent and past blogs(Sean is at work, Matt-almost three-crashed early). I will try to check in over the coming month as I would love to catch up, with you while your're in SEQ. I have always been inspired by your courage to be so honest when you share about your life. It seems too many of us hide behind a mask of the I'm OK comments when asked yet inwardly feel ready to implode. Agree wholeheartedly with everything regarding our AMAZING GOD. It is such a joy to be part of His Kingdom, wish I were less human sometimes so I didn't make the mistakes which lead to missing out on more joy. Anyway, love and blessings to all of you, hope and pray we can catch up. Love that infectious grin Sam! Hope grade one is great Jack. Love to you Don. Kel xxxx

Anonymous said...

Hey Nicole hang in there. HE knows.....Love kel

Nicole Watson said...

I think you are probably right Jo. His time is always right, and Sam will cope better. Sometimes knowing what is to some makes it harder. Maybe that is why God only shows us a portion of his plan at a time. x

Nicole Watson said...

Hi Lucy, When I type to you I feel like you are still sitting here in my loungeroom :) Great quote by the way. I am writing that one down for future rememberance. x

Nicole Watson said...

Hi Kel! So great to hear from you. We would love to see you shen we are downn that way. I understand whole heartedly about wanting to be less human sometimes. Maybe that way I wouldn't keep making the same mistakes over and over. Lots of love from our family to yours (which must be so grown up by now by the way). xx

Mary Hawkins said...

So very sorry, Nicole. I am a little knowledge of how you feel as my dear niece had heart surgery from a congenital problem when she was a child. Such anxious times. This was more than 20 years ago now and she has had her second beautiful little baby a few months ago.
I can never forget that no matter how much I love my children, God's love is so much greater for them. No matter what happens Sam IS safe in HIS hands. And so are you as your work through all this frustration and pain.
Praying for you and your dear family.

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