The last month it seems we have been caught in a tide that has dragged us out to sea. We seem to be floundering in the water, our arms weary from the constant treading.
Don has failed his flight exam for his commercial pilot's license for the second time today. I just want to cry really. For him, for myself, for our weariness and lack of hope. There seems to have settled upon me a sense of despondency, enlarged by the fact that we are far from home and and the comfort of familiar family and friends. I am tired of the fight, and Don must be far beyond that. I have watched him labour and toil for the last 7 months with little rest, all the while looking for the silver lining. He is exerting his best and yet, it is thrown back in his face continually that it is not good enough. And yet he remains, plodding along, while I struggle at home to wrestle with God and his appointment to this calling, when there seems to be very little breakthrough. Does God see how we struggle? Yes, He most certainly does and be bears it with us. Does He see that I can't make our finances stretch any further? Yes, He certainly does and He supplies. Does He still want us here? Yes, He certainly does and reminds us again and again.
I struggle to write the new book about God's promises, because we battle to live in their truth each day, and are weary for a break from the constant onslaught. Who am I, I wonder to pretend to tell others to live in God's promises if I am of so little faith? Oh God, where is my faith! It is like it has been robbed from me while I have slept. And yet, still I stand. I stand because He gives me strength, I can own no portion of it. Please pray for us and help us fight in the spirit. Our enemy looms large but we know who is victorious.
Don is on his way home after his defeat today. May God give us both the strength to keep going.
So again, I raise my head and look to the battle front, raise my shield, and thrust my sword high. 'CHARGE'