This week has been hard. I have had the weight of heaviness resting on my shoulders and I have been surrounded by a contrast of sadness and absolute joy.
This week the baby magpie we saved died.
Then Don's Mum and Dad and Grandma came to visit. We rejoiced in their company and they also brought our old dog Rusty with them. I bought Rusty as a pup before Don and I were married nearly 12 years ago. She moved to live with Don's parents when we had to relocate to Melbourne last year. We were excited to have her stay for a few days while Don's parents popped out to Mt Isa. While they were away, she escaped from our yard and I spent a whole afternoon searching the town for her. Finally late in the afternoon we received word that someone had seen her and we drove out and found her about a kilometer from home on the road out of town. She was dead, having been struck by a car. We brought her home and buried her next to Mango the magpie, where the petunias are beginning to spread their colourful carpet.
I have been excited about new adventures with new friends and starting Avon. We were even able to share some of our story with Sam at church on Sunday, which was great.
Then I received news that two little ones whom we had been praying for passed away this week, both due to Congenital Heart Disease. Two more little lives and the dreams are lost to this horrible disease.
So I feel like I am stuck in the wash cycle of a washing machine. You know how it is. Your head whirls, your heart aches and you get that ache in your throat that threatens to spill into tears. And then you suck it up and keep going, because lunches still need to be made and clothes need to be washed and you want to enjoy the precious moments that you have with family you don't see very often.
I have learned not to be pushed around by the way that I feel. Love and life are not a feelings but acts of our will. And so I choose to feel the pain, then give it back to God. Because the pain means I am human and that I love deeply. I love that God made me with a heart that lets others in no matter how much it hurts. But I will not carry it for my shoulders are not nearly broad enough to carry the load that God requires of me. Jesus takes what I cannot and he smiles at me, and walks with me. So as I come out of the wash cycle, I look forward to hanging on the line for a while and letting the gentle breeze blow over me. Once again I will be refreshed. For now, I will just hang out on the line enjoying the rest.