Today is a New Day

Sam would like to say:

'Shank you to all of the people at Yongreach and everyone else too.'

Sam is feeling much better this morning.  He slept well through the night and didn't even wake from his slumber when they drew blood twice more from his cannula port.  I am just so thankful, that the port has remained open and free flowing.  His heparin levels are almost right.  The dose should only need adjusting once more and then it should be at the right level.

We miss you Daddy, Jack and Gran. xxx

Doctors Update

Sam's fevers have gone.

He is brighter this afternoon.

And so am I after a little nap.

His GP has diagnosed that in addition to his school sore he also has a throat infection.  Praise God it's not something worse!

Sam will stay on low dose antibiotics up until he has his cardiac catheter.

I have called the hospital to let them know and they are going to get back to me early next week to make sure that plan is OK. 

I pray that is it.

There is nothing else I can do.

It is all in God's hands thankfully.

Outside I am calm, inside I feel like I am running a marathon.

Outside I am quiet and thoughtful, inside I am imploding.

You know that feeling of when you close your eyes lay down and it feels like the house is shaking.

Time to be still and know that He is God.

Almost Four!

It has been a while since I have reviewed Sam and his funky heart.  Today seems like a good day to do so.

Sam will be four years old in 9 days on he 30th of September.  This means it has been almost five years since Sam was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and five years since God gave us His promise for Sam.

"He will live and have life in abundance.  He will testify to the nations of his healing."

It is an honour to say that we live and walk in that place of promise.  That Sam does indeed live a life of abundance and he had and does continue to share about God's healing and sustaining power.

We were told by some that Sam's life was not worth much and it would be best to 'terminate' him.

Today Sam walks, runs, bounces and swings.  He converses at a level well above his age and laughs with an infectious giggle that melts even the most serious of hearts.  He is strong in will and resolved in his decisions.  When he sets his mind to something he will not be swayed.  He faces his fears head on and although he is scared, courage wins. He is more than just a part of our family, Sam has touched many other lives, many we will not know about this side of Heaven.

 

Sam last review was in May where he was cleared of the increased regurgitation in one of his heart valves.  His next appointment in on November 7th in Brisbane.  This means that we will need to fly to Brisbane to see Dr Gooi (Sam's cardiologist) and he will have the regular check ups (echo, ECG etc).  We have been told that the plan is to have a heart catheter early in the new year and that Fontan surgery will follow this in the few months after. 

 

I won't pretend to tell you that I am not afraid.  I am terrified, but I will not allow those thought to plague me.  Through Jesus I have the ability to take those thoughts captive and beat them back.  I choose to believe God's promise for Sam, no matter what it looks like on the outside, or in Sam's case the inside. 

 

I wonder if I can ask you to do something special for us.  Can you pray and ask God for some words for Sam from the Bible?  Can you send them to us?  I want to create a book of encouragment for Sam as a part of our 5 year celebration of God's promise to us.  Five years is a long time to hang onto such a promise and your encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

 

Before I sign off, Sam would like to say, "I'm going to have my birthday cake at my birthday.  Gonna be a shocolate(Chocolate) one. We moved to our new house in Yongreach (Longreach). I'm gonna be a big boy now."

 

Yes, you are Sam, and there is much to look forward to in the years ahead.





What Does A Miracle Look Like?

Today I witnessed a miracle.  It is not the first and I know it won't be the last.

Today Sam had his heart review.  This involves a general check up, and ECG, an echo and a chat with Sam's cardiologist.  Sam and I drove the 2 hours to Melbourne's Royal Children's Hospital and the GPS took us straight through the centre of town!  Eeeek!  We made it, but this is not the miracle.

Sam has all of his tests and check up and then we waited to see his doctor.  In between we had the opportunity to talk with a few families, watch the meerkats in their enclosure and chase the fish around the giant aquarium.

You may remember last time that Sam had some unwelcome news about the leaking valve in his heart.  Read more here.

On seeing Sam's doctor we also had two young student doctors present, and Sam spent a great deal of time monopolising their attention.  They checked him all over (which he loved), and then we discussed Sam's heart with his doctor.

Dr Pflaumer listened to Sam's chest and few times and then he turned to his students and asked them what they would do if the clinical signs (the sounds from Sam's chest) do not line up with what the echo is showing?  They replied that they had always been taught to go on the clinical signs, but take the echo into account.  They discussed it back and forth.  He then went on to tell them that Sam's chest has the faintest of murmers and this does not reflect what he sees on the echo.  He went on to explain to me that taking both into account he believes that there may be just be a bit more turbulence in the area, but it is not a true reflection of the regurgitation of his valve.  I asked:

Does that mean that the leaking is no worse?

No it is not worse, in fact I don't think it is that bad at all.  But we definitely do not need to do anything at this stage.  His oxygen saturations are still in the early 80's, he is well and growing.  I mean look at him. 

He continues to look for a moment.

So I guess we will see you again in another 6 months and talk about doing a catheter then.

Ok then.  That sounds great to me.  (My insides waiting to burst with excitement)

Sam and I walked out with giant grins on our faces, bubbling with laughter.

What does a miracle look like?  It is seeing a doctors face in wonder, pondering the results of tests that just don't line up.  It is knowing without a shadow of a doubt that the leaky valve was subdued to allow no harm to Sam and his growth.  It is knowing that the next 6 months are not going to be spent in and out of hospital, but doing all of the fun things that three year old boys do. 

Will you praise God with me?!  Will you thank him for Sam's healing and mercy?  You may ask why he doesn't heal his heart completely.  I don't have an answer for you.  You will have to ask God yourself.  I am content in the knowledge that he loves Sam and hears my prayers.  That he holds us all and let's no harm come to us outside of his plan.  And in the meantime we will continue to walk this path of life in abundance that God has given us. 

Settling In

Jack had his first day at his new school today.  He had a 'SUPER!' day, in his words and made it memorable by losing a tooth that was already loose. 

I have also included some Easter photos.

Sam had a visit to the doctor today, just to say g'day and get some scripts for his medication.  Tonight he took all of his tablets without me having to crush them. He thinks he is most grown up.  One day he won't need these medicines anymore, it is one of my prayers and beliefs.  There is just something very wrong about giving warfarin to your child.  It is somethng that I will never accept.  There have been no long term studies on the effects of warfarin therapy on children.  Pray with me on this will you?

I also wanted to share with you some of the more recent sunsets here, which remind us of God's presence daily.

And finally my husband Don, my love and life companion,keeping the home fires burning.

What do you see when you take a step outside and have a look at your life? 

For me it changes daily.  God is always revelaing more to me of who He is and what our family is to Him.  Not only does it bring great happiness to me, but the Bible tells me that it also brings a smile to the dial of my God.

God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.(Eph 1:5)

Struggling

I wonder if I can just share my heart with you today.

I have noticed a significant change in Sam's energy levels in the last few days.  He is not sick.  He just has very little energy.  He slept for 2 1/2 hours today while Jack was at school, when he normally doesn't have a nap at all.  When I went to wake him up (yes I had to wake him, or he would have kept sleeping), he told me that he was still tired.  I have noticed he is more breathless than normal and he has dark circles under his eyes.  Just in the last two days his eating has also decreased noticeably, he has gone back to preferring to just drink and eat now and then.  He is hurting himself and is more clumsy because of his seeming lack of energy.  When he plays he often lays down and plays lego or lolls around on the floor. 

How are you feeling buddy?

Just tired, so tired.'

Do you want something to eat?

No, but yes, not really. My head feels tired.

How does your heart feel?

Puffed.

I know the doctors told me that the tricuspid valve in his heart is leaking more than normal.  Now I am concerned that it may have got worse and that he may need surgery more quickly.  I have been watching and praying for the last 24 hours, but I need your help. 

I am sad.  I want to cry because when you're three, you are meant to have boundless energy.  Instead I have to drag, push, or carry Sam to make the distance across the road. I know he is to go to Kinder soon, and I am worried about sending him.

Sam has such grace in his limited mobility.  When he labours, he just asks for help. 

'I puffed, can you carry me?'

Then I pick him and and I am reminded that he is still not putting on weight.  That his slight little frame is no burden to me.  For a split second I am thankful and then I reprimand myself for even thinking it.

And so I am watching, praying, hoping and waiting. 

Watching him slow, and struggle.

Praying for a miracle.

Hoping that God will answer my prayers.

Waiting to see the miracle he needs.


Oh God,

You are mighty to save.  I know you are with me every second of the day, I feel your presence like the comfort of a warm fire. And yet my heart is breaking, because my son's heart is broken.  You have given me a promise for him and I cling to it Lord.  I cling to You and your Word because I know it is true.  Heal him Lord, restore the valves, the chambers, the arteries and vessels Lord.  Create in Sam a new heart, one that comes from your hand. Only you can see inside of his chest Father.  I can do nothing, and you can do all things.  Let him wake in the morning and be full of renewed energy.  Let him be whole and healthy and let him run like never before.

And yet I say not my will...but yours be done, because I love you more than any other. 

You have held us and never let us down.  May your name be celebrated even now, in this place of uncertainty. 

All my love
Nicole

Mary and Me

I have read a book this week that has challenged me and encouraged me in so many ways.  The book is 5 novellas in the one book, all about different women of the bible.  The one that greatly spoke to me was about Mary, the mother of Jesus. 

Mary was given a great honour, but with that great honour came a life of unimaginable faith.  Mary was given a great promise from God.

“Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus.  He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David.  And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!”(Luke 1:29-33)

Mary was given a  choice, to agree to God's great plan or to remain in unbelief.

I too was given a great honour by God in bearing my children.  No, they are not Jesus, but I will train them up in His way.  I too was given a choice.  Do I choose life for Sam or do I choose not to believe, and go my own way. I too was asked to believe God's promise for Sam

'Sam will live and have life in abundance.  He will tell the nations of my healing power.'

Mary remained faithful to God even when it meant she would be rejected. Mary was scorned by those she loved, and the community around her, even some who were close to her for believing in God's promise to her.  They did not believe that she had been visited by an angel and carried the Son of God.

I too was condemned by those that thought Sam's life would count as naught.  That it would have been more merciful and less painful to let him die.

During her pregnancy and after Jesus birth Mary was miraculously protected by God and covered by His favour, because she lived in faith and blessing.

I too have seen and tasted of God's saving power and desire to live in the shadow of the Almighty.  There is no life outside of Him.

Mary watched in awe as Jesus taught those around Him about the Kingdom of God, from a young age.

I too marvel at how much God speaks to and reveals to my children.

Mary had to let her son go and do His Father's work. 

We too are called to surrender our children to God and He will guide all of their ways. 

Mary had to endure watching those around her mock and ridicule Jesus for His life and His ways.  She too was mocked and cast aside for her unwavering faith in God's promises.

I too have watched as friends and family have pulled away, as they try to comprehend with their minds the truth of God's promises.  God's promises are not discerned with the mind, they are understood by the heart. I know the words which they speak, but choose to believe God's promise for Sam.

Mary looked on as Jesus suffered and was killed, still not understanding the magnitude of God's unfolding plan.

I too must trust that despite Sam's surgeries and procedures that God's plan is perfect and that all things work together for the good of those that love Him.

Mary grieved for the pain she saw her Son endure, but also for the apparent dissolution of God's promise to her, as she witnessed Jesus die.

I too have grieved that the time of God's promise has passed.  My heart breaks, and then I am reminded that He works outside of time.

Mary's entire being rejoiced when she saw God's promise fulfilled and Jesus rose to save all men. She saw the fruit of God's plan and she praised God for His faithfulness.  There is no way she could have known that 2000 years on that he would still be drawing hearts to himself, giving eternal life to all who seek Him. 

I too will see the fruit of God's promises in our lives, not only for Sam but for all of our family.  God is faithful, I say this with all assurance. 

Yes when I get to meet Mary face to face and our eyes meet, I will smile with her and rejoice with her as we celebrate what God has done, from the heart of one blessed mother to another.

The book that I have recently read is called A Lineage of Grace, by Francine Rivers

Lemon and Lime, Hold the Bitters

The last few weeks have been monumental.  Don has been continually studying/cramming for the last 7 weeks.  He passed two exams only to fail the third.  The boys and I have been to Qld, where I attended the Word Writers Conference in Brisbane and then had a few days holiday with family.  Since we have arrived home we have been very busy, and the boys and I have had a head/cold/fever.To top it off Centrelink called yesterday to inform us that they were decreasing our payments as they had made a mistake with their calculations. Oh dear.  I am sure that you have days like this, sometimes weeks even, where everything just seems to go pear-shaped.

The world suddenly becomes much to big for it's boots and you feel like you are about to be buried under a pile of rubble. 

Do not despair, God is there.

He has not gone somewhere just because things are not going swimmingly in your life, in fact if anything he is closer than the air your breathe.

Do not allow bitterness to settle in your heart, but let yourself be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Rom 12:2)

Do not compare yourself and your situation to others around you.  Each of us is on our own unique journey, and though we may encourage and uplift one another, comparing will do you no favours.  People will always be better off than you, people will always be worse off than you.  Your problems are as significant as the next persons and your troubles will not overcome you, if you give them over to God in prayer.

God can take what is broken in your life and turn it around for your good.

Harbouring self pity and bitterness in your heart bind God's ability to help you.  He will not force you to choose him.  He has always given us free will. 

I am not rebuking you today, I am reminding myself and sharing with you in the process.  I will not pretend to be more than I am.  I would be nothing but for the mercy of God.

We know many families going through life changing circumstances and unimaginable heartaches, we know people that are struggling to pay bills, have ongoing depression, some who are watching their kids struggle daily with their health, and some who have lost them this side of heaven.  But I will not take on their burdens or they will crush me.  Only Jesus was designed to carry the weight of the burden of sin.  He did it all on the cross for us so that we would not have to crushed under the weight.  I warn you, as I warn myself, do not harbour disappointment, anger, resentment and offence in your heart.

I will cry with them, I will laugh with them in victory, I will carry them to God in prayer.

'Father God refresh my mind and heal the wound left by bitterness in my heart.  Forgive me.  I love you.  I wait for your joy in the morning.'

When Your Children Suffer He Knows

Do you see how our children suffer Lord?

Do you see the pain in his eyes, and the fear that grips him, when he sees yet another syringe?

Do you see the look of absolute helplessness in his eyes, as I plead with him to sit still just for a moment and the pain will be gone soon?

Do you hear his laboured breathing, his eyes pleading with me to help him, just get one more breath?


Do you see my heart ache when I cannot help him?

Do you see him longing to run with the other kids, and not grow weary?

Can you feel the painful lump in my throat, and the tears stinging the back of my eyes, as I try to be strong for his sake?

Do you hear me, when I want to scream, but I don't because I am in the middle of a crowded place, so every fiber of my being shakes with distress and anger?

Yes, I see how MY children suffer.

Do you see the courage in your son's eyes, even when he has to endure another procedure?

Do you see the trust in him, when he resigns to let the doctors touch him, even when every part of him wants to get up and run?

Do you see me standing and holding his other hand, while his breathing labours and your heart breaks?

Do you see him content in himself even with his physical limitations, and how he draws the attention of the others in a room with his endearing and steadfast spirit?

Do you feel my heart break along with yours?  Do you feel my arms around you, strengthening you in every situation?

Do you hear me when I whisper quiet words to your heart in the midst of your anger, and how my unconditional love melts away every argument you bring?

Yes Lord, I know all of these things.

Take the fear of the future from me Lord, I cannot handle the thought of any more pain.  You have promised his healing, and so to you I turn my eyes and, in You I choose to place my hope. 

If someone you love is suffering, Jesus knows and you are not alone.

PS.  Sam and the rest of our family are well. I just wanted to share this discussion that I had with God today, to encourage anyone else who may face an ongoing battle.   Even on days when the physical pain is not so present, my heart aches at times, looking at the path we are walking.  Thankfully, Jesus knows, he suffered in my place, and is more than equipped to handle my feelings.  He waits to hear yours as well.

Sam's Birthday

(WARNING: PHOTO OVERLOAD)

Sam turned three today, so we went back to the place where so many mixed feelings emerge, back to the city of Melbourne.  Back to the Melbourne Zoo, where we all spent so many hours while Sam was going through his surgeries.  This time my little boy walked through the gates, without an ng tube and full of expectation of all the animals he was going to see.  Let me tell you that this Mum's heart could not have been more blessed today.

The photo below was one that I sought out in particular, a marker on our journey with Sam.  Compare this photo today with one three months on, in 2008.

Thank you God, you have shown us love beyond compare, and we praise you.  You have shown us mercy through hard times, and have never left us.  Thank you for Sam, who was crafted by your own hands.  I hope you are pleased with job we are doing in raising him.  By your hand, we celebrate Sam's third birthday in Melbourne, a place of so much heartache for us.  Yet here in this place of haunting memories, you have planted a seed of light and hope, that is growing new memories to cherish, and piece by piece replacing the heartache with restored pieces of happiness.

He renews my strength.
   He guides me along right paths,
      bringing honor to his name. (Psalm 23:3)

Renewed

For everyone will be tested with fire. (Mark 9:49, emphasis added)

None of us like the thought of walking through fire.  It does not seem logical that we would enjoy something that threatens to consume our very being.   From a young age we are taught to be wary of fire, to steer clear of it, and enjoy it's warmth from a distance. However being in the midst of it is far from enjoyable.  When my husband burned his finger many years ago, he said it was one of the most painful experiences he had ever endured.  A burn also takes a great length of time to heal, and in doing so still leaves a scar.

The above verses may initially may seem threatening, but are in actual fact a promise that we would do well to lay hold of.  

Everyone is going through a refining fire sooner or later, but you'll be well preserved from the eternal flames. (Mark 9:49 -The Message)

God does not allow the trials and tribulation in our lives to consume us.  He uses times of testing to refine us, to bring us into closer relationship with Him. 

A year before our youngest son Sam was born, God gave me a vision in the night, of our family walking through liquid fire, and being preserved in the midst of it.  We were spent, but preserved. 

In this way God controls the ferocity of the fire, much like a controlled burn of the woodland.

Controlled burning:
Fire is a natural part of both forest and grassland ecology and controlled fire can be a tool for foresters.
Controlled burning stimulates the germination of some desirable forest trees, thus renewing the forest. (Source)


Just as in the forest, fire cleans out the debris in the underbrush, and prepares us for new growth.  It stimulates all of the seeds (truths), that God has been hiding in our hearts, and as they emerge the charred black remains begin to flourish, with vibrant green shoots, which stand in stark contrast to the barren wilderness.
These spiritual changes are what others see, when we emerge from times of hardship.  Outwardly, we seem to have been worn beyond recognition, overcome by past circumstances, and a shadow of our former selves. Then suddenly vibrant new growth appears, and transfixes those that thought we had succumbed to the fire.   I for one am thankful for the times of fire in our life.

(Picture source)

What appears in the charred ashes, is the most breathtaking new growth you will ever see, this side of heaven.

Dad's Day Dynamics

Dad's Day is celebrated all around Australia this Sunday.  And while many of us adore our Dads and have warm and precious relationships with them, many do not.  This time of celebration can actually be a time of pain, horrible memories, broken dreams and sorrow.

Many families today do not have Dad at home at , or they may have two or three people they call Dad.  Many have memories of an abusive Dad, an absent Dad or a Dad they have only met in their dreams.  Many have lost their dad's to illness, or a life well lived.  So much heartache, so much lost love, all way too much to bear on this one day a year.

I wonder if you can find some time this Sunday to pray for someone you know that needs healing and restoration, because of a broken Dad/child relationship.

And if you are someone who has lost relationship with your Dad, don't give up hope, I want you to know one thing.

Your heavenly Dad (God), created you and he loves you more than anyone on this earth ever could.  He created love so he knows what it is all about.  He will never leave, you, let you down, be late, forget your birthday, put you down, reject your affection, shatter your dreams or abuse you.  He waits for you with open arms to hug you today and tell you how much he loves you.  He delights in every detail of your life, even when you ignore him and pretend he's not there.  His love for you is outside of time, it will never end.

And to my Dad:

I love you Dad. I love you more than I ever have, because God has shown me what true love is.  I love that I get to share my family with you.  I love watching you with Jack and Sam, as you play together and get to know one another.  I love that I can always call you, even when you are so busy.  I love that you have always thought of our needs above your own.  You are precious to me.  I know I can't give you a hug in person this Father's Day  but I will in two weeks.

xx Cole

Sam's Heart Review

Sam had a heart review at the Mater hospital in Brisbane today.  He was such a good little fella and took everything in his stride, making the nurses coo and tell us how cute he is.  He is 95cm tall now and weighs 11.7kg.  He had excellent blood pressure for the first time ever, because he wasn't upset.  The nurse taking it was awesome.  She told him she was measuring how big his muscles are.  Every other nurse has always told him that is was for blood pressure and he freaks out as he only hears 'blood' and thinks they are taking some.
His oxygen saturations were 88!  I know, it was too cool.  Dr Gooi believes it is because his heart function is really great and his Pulmonary Artery branches are such a good size.  He was very thorough with the echo and was really impressed with Sam's development and heart.  So way to go God and way to go Sam!

Dr Gooi is now referring Sam to a new cardiologist at the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne.  However we won't need to go and see them for another 6 months.  Dr Gooi is invaluable and we will miss his care.  He diagnosed Sam's condition in utero and provided us with the most hope of any of the doctors we saw leading up to that.  When we head back up to sunny QLD, you an bet that we will be requesting him. 

And no, Sam's heart is not new, but it is functioning the best we have ever seen. There is much hope in God's promises. 

Jack also had an appointment this week, his first trip to the dentist.  He had no plaque or scale and only one small area of decay in his back molar, which they filled on the spot.  I thought that was pretty good for five years old. We were so proud of him sitting up in the chair and being brave.  Top work Jack!

Sam waiting for Jack in the dental van...patient little boy.  For once he gets to be the onlooker.

 

And for those who asked, here is a photo that I took of Jack's attempts to make me feel like a princess.  Read more about it here.

What Faith Can Do

This song is singing in my heart right now.  It's like God is encapsulating all we have been through and where we are going, with this song.  It shouts what I want to share to anyone who will listen and believe in Jesus.  If you have read Sam's Heart, you will know where I am coming from.  Enjoy.

The New Season Approaches

It is a strange and delightful week.  What could be a time of chaos and busyness has been transformed into a quiet time of work and reflection.  As we pack in faith, preparing to move to Melbourne on the 23rd July, all is quiet in the Watson house.  The two little boys are visiting Gran, and with Don at work, I have been left with Jesus to pack, clean and prepare.  It is wonderful to have time to just listen to his every word.  I feel my spirit welling up inside like a spring of water, on the brink of overflow. 
There is work to do yes, but it pales in comparison to the other events of this week.
I have had the joy of spending time with friends before we leave,  wonderful times of deep conversation and encouragement.  I have been blessed with gifts, a new pram for Sam and some beautiful flowers from my husband.  I had been asking God to find me a new pram for Sam,a three wheeler, one that I can do much walking with.  Sam walks very slowly and quickly tires, so to get anywhere at any speed this was a need for us.  A friend of mine found one this week.  I would have been happy with a secondhand dusty  rusty oldy from somebody's shed.  My friend bought me a new one, with all of the bells and whistles!  I was so excited when I saw it.  God gives GOOD gifts.
As God has been pruning us in readiness for the new season, we too have been 'pruning' our possessions, keeping only what we need and what is dear to out hearts.   It is a liberating process that takes time and has happened in waves.  Everything we are taking with us will fit in a small 20ft shipping container.  And we won't even fill this entirely.
I have the joy of being able to share our story of Sam's Heart with a book club in Toowoomba this week.   I am looking forward to sharing our story with more people.

On the 14th of July we are having an unscheduled final appointment with Sam's Cardiologist in Brisbane, to do the final referral to Melbourne.  They will scan Sam's heart on that day.  I have told God I am expecting big things, a change, a sign of hope for his healing.  It has been promised and confirmed many times now, it was to begin soon.  I am believing and living like it has already happened.  God is teaching me now that the promise has gone from my head to my heart, it must now be lived out in my day to day actions.  When I give Sam his medications, I tell him he won't need them much longer.  When we pray together we thank God for Sam's restored heart.  There is no longer any room for doubt in my heart.  The enemy plagues my head with words of doubt and discouragement at times, but I will not entertain them in my mind.  He is quickly cut down with the Word and songs of praise. We are fighting a battle and it is one God will not lose.  We are fighting for the life of my son, and I will not back down for I know who goes before me and who is my rear guard.  He is my strength and my salvation, my rock and redeemer.  His name is Jesus, I will not be afraid. 

Will you join with me in praying, believing and receiving for the miracle you need in your life?

Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” (Matt 21:21-22)

GOD INCREASE MY FAITH 

Learning How To Rest

I don't remember exactly when it happened.  It was in my teens that I became aware of it.  The fact that if I was not busy, then I must be lazy.  I think it kind of meshes well with today's lifestyle.  We get up, and go go go, until we drop into a chair at the end of the day exhausted. While there is some sort of satisfaction in having done a hard days work, I can honestly say there are many days that I get to the end and say, "Wow, I'm exhausted and I don't even know what I achieved today."  There seems to be so much emphasis on being all we can be, having all we can have, and doing all we can do, that the essential element of rest has been lost.  Now rest is seen as indulgent, a bit naughty and even sinful, when God never intended it to be. 

I will share two exciting tidbits from the bible about rest that may help to frame this thought.

...And evening passed and morning came, marking the first day.(Genesis 1:3)

When God separated darkness from light, the evening came first.  The time of rest came first, then followed by the day.  This amazed me.  I thought that day came first and then the night.  Instead evening was the first, a time of rest and refreshment, followed by the new day.  We must rest and be ready to for each new day and the challenges that come with it.

Then Jesus got into the boat and started across the lake with his disciples. Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” (Matthew 8:23-25)

Even in the midst of the storm Jesus rested. I absolutely love this passage.  It is crazy!  The boat is about to capsize and Jesus is sound asleep.  Can you imagine the noise, the rocking, the water drenching through to your skin?  I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be sleeping.
We cannot allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by our circumstances.  Jesus knew who he was, he knew who his Father was, and so he kept his eyes and heart firmly fixed on the one who orders his days.  We do ourselves no favours; running ourselves down and trying to get through our 'to do lists'.  We need to start living with purpose and peace, not for process and product.  When the world around us starts getting demanding, we have to learn to shift our focus back to our God.  We must rest in Him, and live our daily lives with purpose and satisfaction, not to complete tasks, but to please God.  Not only will our weary bodies then find the rest they need, but it also strips away the pride of 'getting it all done'.

So I am still learning how to rest.  It is not easy, but Jesus is a patient teacher.  The two things I must continually remember are:

1. Rest before Action

2. We must know who we are in Jesus, and keep our heart beating as one with his.

Then we will find perfect rest, in the day to day tasks of our lives, and  even in the midst of the most ferocious of tempests.

The Story of a Necklace

I want to share something with you that on the outside may seems petty in it's significance, but it's emotion runs soul deep.

Yesterday morning as I prepared the boy's breakfast I was a little frazzled.  I had been trying to keep them quiet as Don had been on night shift, and was trying to sleep, and they were being unusually noisy. I had told them to be quiet a number of times, and then it happened.  Jack picked up the necklace.

Now, you are going to need a bit of back ground onthe necklace.  I bought this necklace last weekend at the Conference.  It is beautiful and shiny and girly.  Most importantly it has a large heart shaped glass bead at the bottom. For the last many years, I have not bought anything pretty for myself; I just haven't.  I have been on a journey of stripping myself bare of all refinements and adornments because I had been wearing them for the wrong reasons.  It was a God journey, and definitely a story for another day (I may share it if you ask).     Another reason that I haven't had any of these 'pretties', as I call them, is because the boys end up using them for treasure or pirate apparel and they get broken.  This particular necklace though, I was very particular and guarded about, because there is a story involved and this one I will share now.

At the conference as I was sharing with the other ladies, God spoke to me about buying something pretty for myself from him.  At first I thought that was a strange request, so I just went to look at what was on offer at the stalls.  I looked at the crosses,that were all bejewelled and they looked overstated and almost garish to me, not something that I would like.  As I walked around I got talking with a lady on the '26 seconds' stand.  This organisation works at getting children and young women out of the sex slave trade in various countries.  Every 26 seconds a new girl is sold to the sex trade, that is how it get's it's name. I looked down and saw all of the beautiful jewellery on her table and she told me that the women make this jewellery to sell and it provides them an income to live.  I LOVED the string of red beads, they were beautiful and understated and shiny.  God said no.  I kept looking and there it was, pastel pink and glittering with a huge glass heart.  "This is yours" he said.  I bought it, and as I walked away, God said "This necklace is a reminder to you that I love you and I am pleased with you, and most importantly it carries the promise that I have placed in your heart.  It will remind you of Sam's new heart, it is coming."  OH, OH, OH how my heart soared the rest of the weekend and still does.

And so back to the busy kitchen.  Jack is holding the necklace in his hand and before I can tell him to put it down... it breaks and I hear the beautiful shiny beads hit the wooden floor each making their own plink, plink, plink, a hundred times over.  And so I just screamed and then I cried.  I literally sat in a corner and cried.  I called out, "Can't I ever have any thing beautiful, just for me!  Is it wrong to want something that makes me feel pretty!"  But more than that it was my gift from Him.  The boys cried too.  Mummy doesn't cry very often, not like this anyway.

As it happens the commotion woke my husband up from his slumber, he held me and told me what I needed to hear.  He cleaned up the mess of beads all over the floor.  I asked him just to throw it all out, just keep the heart.  It was gone.  Like every other pretty thing I had tried to hold onto.

This morning I woke to find this necklace draped over the computer monitor.  Completely restored, each bead in it's place, like it was never broken.  My beloved husband Don, had stayed up after I went to bed and re beaded the whole necklace.  I can't tell you what this did to my heart.  God has used this beautiful man to restore my broken heart and in the same moment restore his promise.

"Yes, Sam's Heart is broken, but it will be restored just like this.  It will not happen immediately but you will be surprised.  What you thought was gone will be made like new.  And you deserve to have pretties because I delight in you. "

And now I am lost for words...

Overcoming Doubt

“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.(Matthew 7:7)

Often when I pray about Sam's healing, it is very quickly followed by a niggling doubt.  That doubt is something like this.

'You can't keep asking God for the same things over and over.  You are like an annoying child who just nags and nags and nags.  Don't think because you keep asking, that it will mean you get anything.  If I were God I would turn my back on you and walk away.  You are so annoying!  He is God, he can say no when he wants to.  So just give up will you!  If he wanted to help you, he would have done it already.'

I wonder if you have ever heard anything similar.  When I hear words like these I know they are not from God, because they do not line up with the Bible.  The are lies to keep me defeated and make me feel unworthy before God.  God will never speak outside of His Word.  He does not lie. The only thing the enemy can do, is lie.  It is his nature to try and drag me down.  If I let myself believe his lies, my faith is eroded, and slowly but surely I would give up hope. 

I am always filled with hope when I read the story of the gentile woman in the book of Matthew.  You can read the story in Chapter 15, verses 21-28.

This woman comes running to Jesus pleading, begging and probably crying for the deliverance of her daughter, who is plagued by evil spirits.  She knows that she is not worthy.  She is not a Jew but she is desperate and has a glimmer of faith burning deep down in her soul.
Jesus hears her and keeps walking.  He says nothing.  The disciples try to turn her away but still she persists.  She has no other hope.
Jesus stops and tells her he has come to help the Jews at this time, not the Gentiles.  He explains that he can not take the food he has been given for the children and feed it to the dogs.  Israel was God's chosen nation, his children.
The woman mustered up all of the courage and faith she had and spoke '...even dogs are allowed to eat the scraps that fall beneath their masters’ table.'

Jesus beams with delight!  He holds her, looks deep into her eyes and tells her that her faith is great!  Her request is granted.' And from that moment on her child is instantly healed.

May we all have the faith of this woman.  We should have more courage, be more bold because we are children of God.  We do not wait beneath the table for the scraps.  God wants to hand us his delights on a silver platter.  He wants to give us his best, because he loves us.  And so now, when I spend time with God and shower love upon him, I ask him boldly for what I need and I tell him my heart's desires and my dreams.  I will no be deterred by worldly doubts and insecurities.  They do not exist in God's Kingdom. 

And as I plead with God and grow in faith, love and hope with him, I long for the day when..

He lifts me to my feet.

Cradles my face in his warm loving hands.

Looks deeply into my eyes, the recesses of my soul.

Smiles with a grin brighter than the midday sun.

And whispers to me,
'I love you my beautiful child. Your faith is great.  Your request is granted'

And Sam will be healed from that very moment.  It will be complete.

And I will dance before God for all the world to see, because he loves me, he hears me and he answers me.

It's just around the bend...

Swallowing Sin

This was not an easy post to write.  It was more difficult than most because it speaks of sin and no one wants to hear about sin today.  Sin is seen to be negative and uninspiring, so often talking about it, is swept under the rug along with the truth, in fear of offending somebody. In fact it's unlikely that I will get many comments on this post due to it's message.

Did you know that carrying around sin is toxic?  Carrying around sin is like swallowing a bitter pill.  It spreads throughout your system quickly causing chaos in spirit, soul, and body.

Spirit (Faith, Hope and Love- Our most inner being which connects with God.)
When you are born again, and a child of God, Jesus has freed you from the bondage of sin.  However the choices you make determine how you will live.  Holy Spirit guides you, but if you choose to walk outside His counsel, your hearing will become clouded and your spirit darkened as you move away from light and truth.  People often say 'God can't hear my prayers' or 'I don't hear God's voice'.  Remember back to the last time you did hear him clearly.  Did you do what he asked? If not, you may find that disobedience could be causing the dull hearing.  He hasn't left you but you may have left him.

And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.(Romans 8:2)

But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) (Romans 8:9)

Soul  (Our imagination, memory, reason and emotions)
Our soul is a battleground.  We long to live as Holy Spirit guides us and yet we struggle with the day to day tasks that are put before us.  This is why knowing God's Word is vital.  The truths contained therein are not suggestions, they are essential to you making the right decisions.  Choices that will both honour God and prosper your soul.

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. (1 Peter 2:11)

So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. (Romans 8:6)

But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. (Romans 7:23)

Body (Our soul and spirit's current home)
The body is where all of the telltale signs of sin manifest.  And often is is through the pain our bodies feel that we are alerted to the imbalance within.  The aim is to recognise sin in our soul before it becomes reality in our bodies.  As Paul so aptly puts it " Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.(Romans 12:2)

And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. (Romans 8:10)

When I refused to confess my sin,my body wasted away,and I groaned all day long.(Psalm 32:3)

Because of your anger, my whole body is sick;my health is broken because of my sins.(Psalm 38:3)

Here is an example from my life in the past week:

Diagnosis:
I notice that I have really tense shoulders and the beginnings of a migraine headache. Holy Spirit reminds me that I have been worrying about all of the things I need to do and get done.  I realise that I have been sleeping with tension in my shoulders, not able to sleep because my mind won't rest.  My mind is a part of my soul, which is under a barrage of thoughts that do not originate with God but with my own desire to get the job done.  I have effectively walked away from God and chosen to do things my own way.  The origin of my pain is sin.

Remedy
The remedy is not Asprin alone.  I need to get to the root of the problem, confess my rebellion, spend some time with God, ask for his peace and direction and place everything back in his hands.  I need to control my mind and trust God.

Result
The result is more sleep, relaxed shoulders, a pain free head and a heart full of peace, knowing that I am in the will of God.

All illness is a result of sin, the original sin in the garden of Eden. Before then, there was no illness.  I am not saying that all of the pain and disease in our life is a direct result of our personal sin, Jesus never said that.  In fact when he healed the blind man, he shot that suggestion down in flames. 

What I am suggesting is that we begin to take responsibility for our sin.  Ask God's specific forgiveness and let him cover us with his love and grace.  Not only will it draw us closer to him but it may allow us to walk a life that is less of a slave to sin, and more a life of victory that God intended us to have.

Are you ready to walk in victory?  I know I am

No I can't jump like this.  But you get the idea, right?

A Day of Abundant Love and Renewed Vows

I guess when you read the title to this post you may have thought we had attended a wedding.  Although weddings are very beautiful, what I wish to share with you now is just as beautiful in it's splendor.

Yesterday we had the most amazing church meeting.  As my dear friend Jess and I led the worship, God broke through to our hearts, his glory came and tears flowed thick and fast while we praised his holy name.  Holy Spirit was so beautiful, so close, all I could do was weep and tell him how much  I love him.

Throughout the whole service God was so present that we felt like we were seated in heaven, such a  peace filled the room, our hearts, our minds. 

After the meeting a dear man in our church came to me and hugged me tight.  He had tears in his eyes when he released me.  I have great respect for this man because he has a servants heart and is gentle and kind.  Looking into my eyes, his own welling with tears, his voice came strained and emotion filled,

 "Your little boy is going to be healed.  God spoke and said to me that he is going to heal him and it will begin very soon. It will be gradual, not overnight.  He showed me a graph with a straight line rising smoothly on the graph, there were no bumps.  He will be healed and there will be no more obstacles."

I started to cry, with great joy and relief.  I hugged this man to within an inch of his life.  God shared this with him two weeks ago in our church prayer meeting.    I shared with him how in the last two weeks I have been under the most tremendous attack from the lies of the enemy (read here), and now I understood why.  God was moving and the devil was stepping up the game.  Praise God I held fast. Praise God he gives us the strength to endure.  Praise God that he is healing our little Sam!
I can't tell you how much this Word from God meant to me.  He knew the condition of my heart, and he has told us what he is going to do.  We wait in great anticipation for his words to be fulfilled.  God's vow to heal Sam has been renewed in my heart.  I feel like I have a fresh portion of faith instilled deep within my soul and it is dancing with great excitement. We have entered a new season.

Since Easter we have noticed a huge improvement in Sam's appetite and he is gaining weight which is a great sign.  I wonder what we will see next? 

And while we wait...

I will praise him loud and clear.  Because I can't help it!  Because I will burst out of my skin if I can't share the love that is burning like a roaring fire in my spirit. 

Place me like a seal over your heart,like a seal on your arm.For love is as strong as death,its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire,the brightest kind of flame. (Song of Solomon 8:6)